1st Wednesday weighin.

I decided to start weighing in on Wednesdays, just for a change. Also, starting spring semester, it would just work out better for me because I have a late class on Wednesdays. Today, was a great success. I lost 3.6 pounds this week. Bringing my over-all loss to 110.8 pounds.

 I know why I had such a great loss this week- I had time. School is ending (only 2 test left.. yay) and I have the time again to work out, and plan my meals. I'm so grateful that over this semester, even though things were not perfect, I did manage to lose 17 pounds.

Moving forward, it is all about the exercise. I need to bust my "little" butt and make the most of this month long break. The gym is replacing my classes, and I will be there almost everyday. My goal is to simply get back into the routine of working out, and to lose 5 pounds by the time I start school again, which I think is January 17? Not sure about that day, but I know it's around that time.

I feel so small, It's crazy. My last post I talked about that light feeling, and how that is what I missed most. I have to back. I feel so great. I love being able to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. I love being able to cross my legs. I love being able to sit crisscross on my dining room chairs. I love fitting, and having extra room on both sides on movie theater chairs.  I love how my boyfriend can pick me up, and toss me around like a doll. If you have ever lost a significant amount of weight, you know exactly what I mean! Compared to before, I am very small, and I love it.

I have nothing but motivation right now to succeed. I can do this I feel more then ever, things are going to be great :)

Things lately...

Well, the end of November and this month so far have proved themselves as the toughest few weeks ever. School has been totally insane, but that is over next week so I'm not even going to get into it. All I want to say is this- things lately have not been perfect. My eating has been off, and I haven't worked out. I just keep telling myself to relax. I know if I let myself really comprehend what I am doing, I will go into a state of depression. I have gain 0.5 pounds, yea that's only a half pound over the past two weeks. I am not happy. I miss feeling good. Everyone thinks I'm nuts because I have been really down. I know I am the only one that can change the way I feel, obviously I have lost 107 pounds. I'm just in such a mental rut. Not to mention I am physically exhausted all the time. It hurts to wake up, that's how tired I am.

With crazy ass school ending next week, I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will have time back. Time to take care of myself again. Time to plan my meals, go to the gym and have a little fun again. I am not saying I am dissatisfied. I was able to lose 13 pounds over this insane semester. I may be lighter as it comes to an end, but I feel like CRAP. Tired, bloated, unmotivated. I don't care if I never lose another pound, I just want to feel light again.

This month long break coming up is something I need more than ever. Next semester will be my last before graduating, I'm sure it will be hard, however, my schedule isn't as nuts, so I feel like I will be able to handel both school and losing weight better. I am going to switch my weigh in days to Wednesdays. I just want to shake things up, it's been Thursdays for almost 2 years now and next semester  I have a really early class Thursdays and a late one on Wednesdays so, I'm not sure but I just feel like this will work out better for me.

Things will change  soon, I cannot wait. I set a very high goal for myself. I want to lose 7 pounds in the month I have off school. I know I can do it! That will bring my over-all loss to 114 pounds :) So excited!

Thankful.

I knew I lost weight this week,  I could just feel it. I had a great week in terms of calories, and I got to work out, YAY!
I lost 2.2 pounds, and that brings my over-all total to 107.6 pounds lost.

Yesterday, I was sitting around waiting to go to work, I turned on the TV and saw "The Heaviest Women" on Dr.Phil. Of course it caught my eye, and I watched some of it. I have never felt so horrible for someone in my entire life. She felt trapped in her body. She could barley walk, and was literally on her death bed. I know how she feels. I never felt so disgusting and horrible when I was at my heaviest. I couldn't fit in an airplane seat, I got winded when I walked up the 13 stairs in my house. It hurt to just wake up in the morning. I know I was never 645 pounds like she is, but I was up there, I know I have never shared my weigh on my blog. That is something I'm not sure If I am comfortable with. I will however tell you at my heaviest, my BMI was a 48. That my friends is second class morbid obesity. I have gotten that number down almost 20 points. For that, I am thankful.

I am so thankful that I was able to turn my life around when I did. I was on a scary path. I could have gone another way. I could be sitting here right now even heavier than I was, feeling horrible about myself. I am just so thankful for what I have been able to accomplish. Thankful for all my family and friends constant support and love. I am thankful for my incredible boyfriend Joe, who has loved me for the past almost 5 years, before and during this long journey.I cannot put into words how much I am truly thankful for my life. I have been on both sides now. I know what it feels like to not be happy, and not know how to change it. I also know how it feels to accomplish something so difficult, and be truly proud of myself. Changing my own life was just the beginning, I am so thankful that so many people have come to me for help and support for their own weight loss journeys. That is what makes this whole process worth it, I can inspire and help others.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all :)

Knew it.

I knew it. This week, zero, again...

I just keep reminding myself I was prepared for this. I knew this semester was going to be tough and busy. I knew that I wasn't going to be left with much time to work out and focus 100% on my weight loss. Since the start of the semester I have lost 11 pounds. I am proud of that. I am proud that the past 2 weeks I have just maintained, and not gained. I need to start realizing things can't always be perfect. The semester is over in less than a month. I am so motivated to kick serious ass during my break. I have an entire month off. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I still want this, I still have weight to lose. I think what is frustrating me the most is how bad I do want to work out, and how bad I want to lose weight. The time just isn't there. Student teaching, finals, head teaching week and a new job. I just need to hang in there for a couple more weeks. Things will slow down a lot after December 9th. I cannot wait to start feeling wonderful again :)

I also have to stay positive, I have been feeling terrible about myself the past few days. I need to start realizing how far I have come- 105 pounds to be exact.

Honestly,

I need to be totally honest here. Thing have not been ideal. I will just cut to the chase-
I haven't gain weight, I am still on track with my weight and eating healthy, however, I have not worked out since October 29 and I have been neglecting my food journal. I have been so overwhelmed by the amount of school work I have had, I have been putting this entire journey aside, and it makes me so angry. I do not want this any less then I did almost 2 years ago, probably more. Seeing myself reach that 100 pound goal showed me a lot about myself, I can succeed at anything. It has always been hard for me to balance things in my life, and it is being challenged now more than ever. School work, head teaching week coming up, starting a new job tomorrow, while still mainting a healthy, losing lifestyle. IT IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO. I know deep down I can do it. I knew this semester would be hard, and I wouldn't lose as much every week as I am use too, with all the mental preparation in the world, it is still not okay with me. I feel like I am settling for this, when I know I could be doing so much better. I should still be losing consistently, writing in my food journal EVERYDAY and working out a minimum of 3 times a week. But when I have the busiest days ever, and I am completely exhausted by 7pm, the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. I am not complaining, I am just talking reality, a reality I know most people have to deal with. I have come to this conclusion. There is a reason why many people are overweight and unhealthy. Most of them are not lazy, they are just busy. It is so time consuming to prepare and pack an entire days worth of healthy food for the next day, compared to just stopping at the nearest fast food place. I am learning this now. However, for me, it is worth it. I know I will never go back to my old ways, it isn't an option. I am just seeing and understanding now why it is so hard for most busy people to lose weight.

Here are my goals moving forward to get myself completely back on track:
Write in my food journal EVERYDAY, no exceptions.
Go for at least a walk, or do my Pilates 3 times a week (if Im too tired or busy to go to the gym)
When I start my new job, never buy food at the mall, pack food for my entire shift.
Continue my healthy eating, even though the holidays are coming up.

I know I can do this, I know I can get fully back on track regardless of my insane schedule. School is over in a month, then I will really start losing to my full potential again, I know it.

Halloween & snow?

So today is Halloween.. yay?
 I'm not in the spirit what so ever. This past weekend we got covered in over a foot of snow, had no electricity for almost 48 hours. It was so bad. One of the worst weekends of my life by far. We didn't have natural gas either, so we couldn't even cook. We had to eat out every meal and let me tell you what a challenge that was. Sunday, I literally did not even a piece of fruit. First time in 2 years. I feel physically exhausted from my lack of healthy eating, and stress over this weekend. I am so glad that the power is back, and things are back to normal. However, some people in my area are still with out power. So horrible for this time of year. It got done to 52 degrees in my house last night. I could only image how much colder it will get tonight. I feel so terrible for those people :(

With all this snow on the ground it feels like Thanksgiving, or Christmas. Halloween this year was a total bust. I hope next year is much, much better and I can actually dress up!

So, this year for Halloween I decided to go candy shopping with my Mom. Not so I could pick out the candy I loved, but to buy and hand out candy to trick or treaters that I do not like. Perfect solution. Last year I remember I ate a lot of candy on Halloween because my Mom bought all my favorites. What is the point? Candy is fun when your little, not when your trying to lose/maintain a major weightloss. This year, I haven't had any! I made sure not to get Reese's, or star burst or anything that I knew I wouldn't be able to resist.

Looking forward to my weigh in on Thursday, hopefully this weekend didn't mess me up too much!

4.6 + pics

This past week has been one of the craziest, busiest weeks I have EVER had. My birthday was Sunday, so of course it was an all weekend long celebration. Once Monday came, it has been non-stop. I literally did homework Tuesday from 10am to 11pm, with maybe a 2 hour break someone in there. My brain is fryed and I did not work out at ALL. I have been eating extremely healthy though. My weight loss has been far from the last thing on my mind, I didn't even remember it was my weigh in until I was about to leave the house this morning.

However, I stepped on the scale and lost 4.6 pounds? I'm so confused! I thought the scale was wrong. I weighed myself 3 more times, then weighed myself on another scale just to make sure. It was right.

Here is what I think happened- Like I mentioned, I have had a very active week, I was on the move from the second I woke up till I fell asleep, no down time! I didn't have time to even think about eating, so when I did eat,  I grabbed very healthy stuff, like fruits and veggies. AND I think because I finally reached my 100 pound goal, I wasn't self doubting  or having negative thoughts, I just went with the flow.

Ill take it!! This brings my total loss to -105 pounds! CRRRAAZZZYYYY!
This is probably the last week that I will lose so much in a short amount of time, I am enjoying it while it lasts. Time to get my butt moving. I need to organize my time better so I have time to get to the gym. I wanted to share this as well ....

Where to go from here?

Losing 100 pounds is a pretty big deal. However, my journey is NOT over. Like I mentioned in my last post, this will never be over for me. I will need to maintain my healthy eating and exercise the rest of my life. I am totally fine and willing to take that challenge. Now, looking back, the way I feel now is worth it. Being so obese was debilitating. Anyway,what is next for me?

I still want to lose another 25 pounds. I am so happy with how I look and feel now, but I have a lot of toning to do. I am currently in a size 12 (from a 24), my goal in the beginning of all of this was to get down to a size 10. I figure losing another 25 pounds would put me there.

Instead of losing as much as humanly possible in a week (as healthy as possible of course) I really am going to relax and take my time with my last 25 lbs. I have a lot going on with school, and I don't have as much time to work out as I used too. If I can only get to the gym twice a week instead of three I am not going to beat myself up like I used too. This doesn't mean I am giving up, or using school as an excuse to not work as hard. I am still working extremely hard, and want this next 25 terribly. However, I am just not going to be crazy about every little thing. I need to learn to be able to live while being healthy, not live while trying to lose 100 pounds. Know what I mean? I need to get used to maintaining this. I need to see how that aspect will fit into my life. So moving forward, the goal is to lose 1 pound a week. Just 1. That means, I will reach my , what I am going to call now, my ultimate goal, right around the time of my 2 year anniversary of getting healthy. Perfect timing!

I wanted to share this picture on my blog, like I already did on my facebook. Just a little dose of inspiration for you :) This "before" picture was about 2 and a half years ago, and my "after" was from 2 weeks ago.

-100.4 pounds. I did it!

1 year, 7 months and 12 days ago I made a choice, a choice I had mad so many times before. I wanted to lose weight. I can't explain why this time worked, or why this time was different, but I succeeded. I achieved something today I have wanted for 11 years. I have officially lost over 100 pounds.

When I stepped on the scale thing morning, waiting for the lines to stop blinking and my weight to pop up, I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest, or my knees would give out. When the number finally showed it's self, I felt like a 1000 pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I covered my mouth with my hands, and started to cry. It was literally the best, and most satisfying moment of my life. I did it. All of my hard work was worth it.

When I began this process all I cared about was getting skinny. As time went on, the pounds shed and I felt better I realized that isn't even why I was doing this. I was doing this because I was sick of wasting my time. I'm still so young and I was living my life like an old women. Tired all the time, lazy, never wanted to do anything or go anywhere or see anybody. I cannot tell you how much the health aspect out weighs the skinny aspect. The amount of energy I have now is something I have never experienced before. I want to take on the world, and after this achievement I know I can. Emotionally,I am healed. Depression, hatred and anxiety ruled my world before my weight loss. Now, I feel like I have a permanent smile plasterd across my face, and that's just fine with me.  I needed to lose weight to live, as simple as that. I know when everyone loses weight they say this, but I seriously mean it. If I can do this, ANYONE can.

The most rewarding things that have come out of this process is  knowing this journey was totally mine. I lost this weight on my own. I did not get any surgeries, I didn't take diet pills, I didn't do drugs, I didn't starve myself, I just ate healthy and exercised. The other reward has been the amount of support I have received.  I started this blog to share my story in hopes that it would inspire others, and I feel it did just that. When people see my now, and they tell me what an inspiration I am, it makes sharing every fuck up, and horrible weigh in results worth it. Knowing I helped at least one person makes this all worth it.

My journey is far from over. This will never be over. Only 5% of people who were obese that lose weight actually keep it off. I WILL be in that 5%. I cannot picture my life any other way. I cannot mentally wrap my brain around ever going back to my old ways. It will never happen. My journey is a healthy lifestyle change, not a diet.

Thank you to everyone who has helped in even the slightest bit to get where I am today, you have no idea that impact you have made on me. This is such an indescribable feeling.

This just wasn't the week.

Going into this morning's weigh in I did not have my hopes set on my 1 pound loss. I feel terribly bloated from being on my monthly joy ride (of course it would happen THIS week of all weeks) and I just knew it wasn't going to happen. I'm up a half pound, but that's no big deal at all. This week has been really crappy to say the least. I have been extremely tired, in pain and just lethargic. It's also been disgusting wet and humid weather. I wouldn't want to reach my goal this week, it didn't feel like a memorable week, this felt like the type of week I just want to forget quickly. My average calories was 1645 and I had two very good workouts.
The positive thing out of all this, unless I get eaten by a shark this coming week, I WILL lose that pound and a half on Thursday. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind. I am so excited. The anticipation is going to drive me nuts simply because it's going to happen. I am just excited to put this week behind me, stay positive, and have all my hard work pay off for my next weigh in. How do you celebrate losing 100 pounds? I need some ideas...

one.

I have been so busy yet again. School work is starting to pick up, and I'm producing Joe's short film. I am having a blast- just left with very little time for myself. My weigh in this past Thursday was NUTS. I lost 3.2 pounds, bringing my total loss to 99 pounds. I am officially 1 pound away from my goal. It really hasn't even hit me yet that I am this close. I have worked so, so hard for this and it is almost here.. mind blowing.

3 days until my weigh in and I feel pretty confident. I got my period yesterday, so HOPEFULLY it doesn't mess me up on the scale this week. It usually does. If it does, oh well, I cant really do much about water weight. If it doesn't then hell yes, I will reach my goal! I am not upset about it cause I'm so close, and I know if I don't do it this week, I will 100% for sure reach it next week. I don't want to put any pressure what so ever on myself. Being so close it is possible for me to get super stressed out, but I'm not going to do that. I am basically there, unofficially there,close enough. Seeing my 100 pound loss on the scale though will seriously be the happiest moment of my life. Just going to see what my body does. However, you can bet all your marbles ill be kicking ass this week!

Weigh in # ? lost track...

I am so angry. I gained a pound! I do not understand why this happened. My average calories for the week was 1635 (lowest in a while) and I had 3 great workouts. This to me, is total bullshit. The only thing I can honestly say that may have cause this is my mindset this week. Ive been super busy, stressed, distracted and tired. I have been feeling so doubtful about all of this, and then this is what happens. It has happened before.

Moving forward I need to just stay positive and realize I can do this. I am so close but feel so, so far away. We will see how next Thursday's goes...

Doubt.

This may sound psycho, but ,lately I have been doubting myself.

I was just looking through my old posts and realized I have felt this way before. Just completely unmotivated and blah. I do NOT understand why. I am 3 teeny tiny pounds away from losing 100 pounds. I should be running in circles all day. I'm not though. I'm tired- I feel like I cant do it.
This is making me so mad. I know I have  A LOT of distractions right now- and I hope that that is all this whole thing is. After my last weigh in, I have just felt so... scared. I'm terrified I wont be able to pull this off. What if I just stay at 97 pounds lost? What if  I gain all this weight back? I wont, I know I wont. I just feel uneasy. I think I always feel this way before a big weigh in- but this is the ultimate weigh in. This weigh in will literally change me.

I'm crying as I write this- I want to lose my 100. Ive worked so hard. This was the worst time my mind could have picked to go all crazy on me. We will see how Thursday goes..

Another before and after (so far!)

Since I'm so close to my 100, I thought another before and after was in order... these are close ups!

Only 3 pounds to go!

I have lost 97 pounds! CRAZY. I am so close to my 100 I can taste it. This week I lost 2.8 pounds and I couldn't be happier. I am finally getting used to my new crazy schedule, and to make it even better, working out and eating healthy fits right in. I think at this point all the planning and routines are just natural to me. Things couldn't be better. I am so excited its insane.

So close!

As most of you probably can tell by my lack of posts that I have been crazy busy. After my last post, I have been on the move. The start of school this year has probably been the most stressful. I went from  having a nice, relaxing summer to having to wake up at 6:30am everyday. I know a lot of people wake up at crazier hours, but when you are not used to it, it truly sucks. It is something I hope I get used to quickly.

On top of all the stress, I have been feeling really sick. I got my period about 2 weeks early for what ever reason (that's why my weigh in this past Thursday was off) and I think I have a stomach bug or something. Every time I eat, I get an insane stomach ache. The past couple of days things have gotten better, but last week it was pretty bad.

Being back in school is a huge challenge for me to continue my healthy eating. I can't just grab fast food anymore in between classes. I am in serious planning mode every night for the next day. I set up my breakfast for the morning, that way I have more time to sit and eat. I pack all my snacks for the next day and my lunch. This takes a lot of time but I know it's worth it. So far- I have been working out of my house and taking online classes during my whole journey. This is the first time I'm actually out and about all day and have little to no time to sit and eat and work out. Being so close to my 100 pound goal (5 pounds away!) I would be crazy and stupid to let that affect me at all. I just need to plan things out. I need to have set work out times and do my best.

Reaching my 100 pound weigh loss goal will literally be the greatest achievement of my life. I know a lot of people are rooting for me and I can't wait to make myself and every else proud.

I am really looking forward to this Thursday- how much closer will I be?!  :)

Weigh in #26

I am beyond disappointed in this scale this week. This one I really can't figure out. I worked out 3 times and my average calorie intake was 1681. Right on point. I feel very discouraged. I am so close to my 100 pound goal it is insane. Why now? I have obviously hit a plateau. Luckily this has happened to me once before, and I think I know how to get out of it quickly, but, what a shame. A week wasted. I hope I am out of this soon. :(

Weigh in # 25

 I am down 39.2 pounds in 25 weeks. I am 7.4 pounds away from reaching my 100 pound goal. I am speechless. This weeks 2.2 pound loss is just what I needed. I was stuck at around the same weigh for 3 weeks and now, I feel so much better and I am just that much closer to my goal. It's just awesome!

This past weekend I went on a mini vacation. I went to Hershey Park and had such an amazing time. I even had some chocolate-  sugar free reese's cups. I think that was pretty good considering I had any candy I wanted at my finger tips. I kept my cool and will power in check.

I'm so excited to just reach this goal. I am so close I cant believe it :)

Weigh in #24

As most of you know from my previous post, I have been going through a rough time. The weight has not been coming off! Well let me tell you- things have FINALLY fallen back into place. I am completely back on track and I feel amazing. Unfortunately, I got my period yesterday, so my weigh in is obviously effected, however, I feel really good and I am doing great and that is all that matters right now. I did lose a half pound and I will take it! That feels like a 500 pound loss considering all the stuff that has been happening. August is a new month, and I am so happy I started it off with a loss, even though it's a tiny one :)

I am going away for a long weekend to Hershey Park, and I am so excited. Some people have told me I'm crazy for going somewhere where even the air smells like chocolate, but that's okay. I am totally confident in my willpower, and plus, I don't even like candy. This is a very crucial time for my weight loss and I'm not going to ruin that on this vacation. My head is on right and I'm in this to lose my 100 pounds!!! Can't wait to give all the great details from my trip and I can't wait for next weeks weigh in!

A change of goals.

July was a horrible, HORRIBLE month for me. I only lost 3 pounds. That completely ruined my chances of losing my 100 by September 1st. Am I upset? No, angry is more like it. I know a lot of what caused my stress in July was out of my hands, however, I shouldn't have let it effect me as much as it did. I know I couldn't exercise because of possible serious medical stuff, there was nothing I could do about that. I just feel so mad. This summer was suppose to be my time. I was suppose to lose this weight and celebrate my hard work. Right now I feel so disgusting. I feel like I did before I started losing all this weight. I feel like a let down, I feel regretful, I just feel plain depressed.

To get out of this rut, and start losing again consistently, here in my plan of action-

Detox until I go away on Friday.
Alternate between a vigorous and light workouts daily until I go away.
When I do go on vacation, not think of it as a vacation, still stay on track with my food stuff.

If I do all this correctly, I figured I could lose about 6 to 7 pounds in August. That would leave me about 3 pounds short of my 100 pound goal.

SO- my new goal date is September 29.

It is so annoying that so close to the finish line, I hit a major bump. I just have to move on and work that much harder.

Weigh in # 23 & month from hell.

So, because of my vertigo, my doctor told me not to workout until she finds out the cause of it. Therefore, other then light swimming and walking I didn't get any exercise this past week. I gained a half pound. That is a lot better than how I thought this week was going to turn out. At this point there is no way I'm going to lose this last 9 pounds by September 1st. I am really disappointed however, life sometimes gets in the way and I just have to move forward. I actually got a call today from the doctor. I went for an MRI so they could check my brain, to see if anything up there was causing the vertigo. They found nothing! Nothing is wrong with me. I am SO happy. The doctor said this just may come and go because of my concussion. I am glad it's nothing serious. It sucks that I'm going to have to deal with it, but she said if it is impossible for me to live with, she can prescribe me medication. We will see what happens.


Anyway, this past month has literally been the month from hell. I officially hate July. I have been soooooo stressed out. A lot of emotional things have been coming up and really making it difficult for me to focus and lose this weight. This obviously effected my loss a lot this month. I only lost about 3 pounds :( my average monthly loss is 6! I am so mad but I just have to move on. August is a new month, my last month of summer and I can't wait to just put July behind me and start fresh.

Support.

Being less than 10 pounds away from losing 100 pounds, I have been reflecting a lot on this year and a half long journey. So many things in my life have improved. One of those things has been my support system.

In the beginning of all this and even months before, I felt very alone. I pushed a lot of people away. I stopped talking and hanging out with all of my friends. I felt horrible about myself. I was embarrassed, felt disgusting and no longer had the energy to act like I was happy. I literally didn't leave the house unless it was necessary.

My turning point was a trip I went on in mid-February. I could barley fit in the airplane seat (which was mortifying), and I was forced to go out in public, among people. All I could remember from that trip was not wanted to do anything. I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. I knew at that moment this was not my life. I deserved so much better. I was missing out on so much, and I was only 19 year old.  I got back on February 15th and 3 days later I started this journey.

I will NEVER forgive myself for letting things get so out of hand. I will never forgive myself for pushing almost everyone I had in my life at the moment away. On the other hand, I couldn't be more proud of myself, for realizing I needed this change. For looking at myself very deeply and seeing what I was doing to my health. Some people are 50 by the time they realized what I did. Yes, some friends have gone, and I know I am to blame for that. But now have such an amazing group of people in my life. I have such a great team of support behind me, cheering my on at every moment, whether that moment is good or bad.

There are  few people that have been here for me through out this entire process. My mom, my sister, and Joe. Those 3 people are my rock. They never doubted me for a second. They listen to me, support me and are there to pick me up every time I fall. I will never be able to repay them for the gift they gave me. They are the reason I was able to handel all the struggles. They are the reason I lost this weight.

All I am saying is, if you feel the way I did a year and half ago, you are missing out on life. You are missing out on relationships, fun and feeling great about yourself. No body in this world deserves to feel the self hate, and loneliness I felt. However, you and ONLY you can make that realization.

I can honestly say I have never been this happy in my entire life. When you finally love yourself, you can start loving others with all your heart. That opens many doors, and makes every day worth it.

Weigh in #22 & worst news ever.

I lost 1.4 pounds this week. I am right on track to reach my 100 pound weight loss goal by September 1st, however, this may all change.

The past couple of weeks whenever I stand up I get very dizzy and lightheaded. The past few days it has gotten so bad. I basically black out when I stand up. I went to the doctor today and she diagnosed me with vertigo. I am being tested for a bunch of different stuff to see what is causing the vertigo. She told me I can't drive, go outside or even exercise until she finds out what is causing it. I cannot put into words how disappointed and upset I am. I don't think I can lose this weight by the time I wanted too now. I am so close to the finish line, I knew something would happen to me to mess it up. Nothing is EVER easy.

I am just going to try to stay as positive as I can. I am going to continue eating extremely healthy, will that be enough with no exercise? Absolutely not- but it is really the best I can do given the circumstances.

Before and After (so far!)

I was looking through pictures from last summer. My before picture was taken the beginning of July 2010. My after picture was taken last week. I cannot explain how amazing I feel when I actually see the differences. This wasn't even me at my heaviest. I had lost about 20 pounds before that picture was taken.  I thought it was very important to post although I am really embarrassed by my before picture. That is life and I have learned a new way of living. I am so happy.

Weigh in #21

I lost 2.2 pounds this week. I would normally be thrilled to have lost more than a pound and a half in a week but this week I'm not. The week after that time of the month I usually drop 3-4 pounds. I am depending on these big weeks to help me reach my 100 pound goal. This is very disappointing. Don't get me wrong- I am happy, but I would have been more happy if I just lost a little bit more. I know I didn't lose my big number this week because I am stressed. A lot of things keep happening, like one thing after the other that are just making me stress out. Hopefully the stress ends soon, my sleep goes back to normal and I can just reach this 100 pound goal. I think at this point it is safe to say, I am really going to have to put in 10 times more effort, although I do not know how to go about doing that, this is what I live and breathe.

I will pull this off.

Average?

Realizing how far I have come so far on my journey has been difficult for me. Up until recently I still looked at myself as a size 24 86.8 pounds ago. It has been very hard for my brain to catch up with my changes. For the past 11 years I can honestly say I didn't go a day without wondering what my life would be like if I was "skinny". I imagined so many things would happen for me and my life would be completely different...

Here is the reality of right now- nothing has really changed. People still treat me the same, I still act the same and do the same things. Some people say I am more outgoing and adventurous, but who wouldn't be after shedding the pounds equivalent to a tween!?
 For the first time EVER I look somewhat normal. The average size of women in America is a 14. I currently own and wear pant sizes 12 to 14. To me, that is just unheard of.
Me?
Average?
Rubbish!!! ... I am so happy my face is about to fall off.

How can my brain wrap around this so quickly? After being so heavy my whole life and finally losing almost all of the weight in 1 year and 5 months...I don't blame myself for still feeling like an obese person. However, I am officially taking the pressure off. If I really want to lose this last 13.2 pounds I have to start dealing with the problems I am facing emotionally. I have to clear my head . I am going to start reminding myself everyday that I wear a size 12 now. I am no longer the old me, I need to get with it! I want to be happy. I want things in my life to change. I want my expectations of my "skinny" life to become reality. I am going to work so hard to do so.

Average is perfect for me right now. However, in the long run, I seriously want to kick average in the butt.

Weigh in #20

I hit a minor bump this week. I have been so stressed out and upset that it cause that time of the month to come 4 days early. Therefore- I only lost a half pound this week. It is a little frustrating because all I want is to reach my 100 pound goal. However, it is a step in the right direction and I know I need to stay positive.

Yesterday I actually caught myself emotional eating. I had been upset all day long and I found myself searching the pantry and fridge for something sweet. I grabbed this box of pastries my mom bought and took a bite out of a chocolate eclair. I realized the second after I swallowed what I was doing. I was so mad at myself, however, that was the most upset and stressed I had felt in a VERY long time. I am just happy I had the willpower to stop after that one bite.

Putting this week behind me and I am moving forward. I am going to learn from my mistakes and do differently if there is a next time. I am so excited to see my results next week :) Live and learn!

You have to eat!

Lately I haven't had much to talk about on here. Things are going smoothly. I really have taken a step back. I have been browsing other weight loss blogs and talking to numerous people about losing. I am in such a great place. I am finally starting to be happy with my body. I find myself really stepping out of my comfort zone and just living. With that said, there is one thing I have noticed on a lot of these blogs that is getting to me!

Let me start off by saying this- I literally eat whatever I want. Friday I had BBQ chips, yesterday I had  a bagel with cream cheese, and today I am eating pasta salad. Now, let me make one thing clear. I had the serving size of all of the above and I think that is were most people get into trouble. When losing weight- you should be able to eat like normal humans. You just have to be more smart about it. Load up on fruits and veggies- make healthy choices your primary go to's. However- still eating "unhealthy" things are possible. Willpower and portion control are extremely important though.

I know a lot of people trying to lose weight eat nothing but plain chicken- steamed veggies- fruit and maybe some nuts. Just eating plain, boring stuff day after day is awful. Yes- you will lose weight, but sticking too it will be hard. For me, I have figured out a way to eat like a normal person- just more healthy. I wish I could tell everyone in the world how I do it, but I can't. I can't explain how I have gained all my willpower to only eat 12 chips instead of the whole bag. I can't explain how I still go out to restaurants and only order low calorie options. It is something that needs to be taught from within. Only you can teach yourself. There is hope though. I just really wanted to make that clear.

Weigh in #19

I lost 2.2 pounds this week! That brings my total for the month of June to 10 pounds lost. CRAZY. I told myself I was going to work my ass off to reach my 100 pound goal by September 1st, and I feel like I am doing just that. Only 14.4 pounds away.

This week brought a lot of temptations for me when it comes to food. I had a party Saturday. I did really well, I made sure I stayed away from the mayo based salads,and only had the veggies, instead of putting dip on them. I did have a small piece of birthday cake though! - Worth it!

I also started doing something new this week. I started bike riding. Let me tell you- it is fun, and it is good exercise. I hadn't been on a bike in like 11 years, and this week I went to a local bike trail 4 times! It is a great trail. It's beautiful and it is challenging. I has 2 really big hills. It is a great way to get out of the gym and still get a great workout.

I couldn't be more pleased with my results this week. Looking forward to the rest of my summer!

Weigh in #18 & my goal.

My 18th weigh in today, I cannot believe it- the beginning of all of this feels like it was yesterday. I lost a pound, and I am thrilled. I had a pretty busy weekend. I didn't eat the best, but I have been working out a lot. I really only expected a pound after last weeks 3 pound loss anyway, so I'm very happy.

I am 15.8 pounds away from my 100 pound goal. That is it.
So, here is the deal- I want to lose this last 15 or so pounds so badly by September 1st. I am going to be so busy with school after that date I want to be at a place that I am comfortable with either maintaining or only losing a pound a week. September 1st is 10 weeks away. The first 9 weeks of my 18 weeks so far I lost 14.8 pounds, my second 9 weeks, 16 pounds. I have to pull this off. I can clearly do it, considering my pounds lost in my first two 9 week blocks. This would mean the world to me. Just thinking about that moment when I do lose the 100 already gets me choked up. It will be the happiest moment of my life so far. It will literally change me.

I have never been so motivated then I am now. I have so much free time and I will devote every second of my free time to my weight loss. In the bigger picture 15 pounds is such a small number, but right now, it feels like 1,000 pounds standing in my way.

Absolutely no more screw ups, no more bullshitting. I need to do this.

Weigh in # 17

I am very happy to report I lost 3 pounds this week- and what a week it has been. It's been pretty stressful with work, I am over exhausted and I need to sleep for 3 days straight. However, this loss really made me feel better. I have lost 20 pounds in 10 weeks, and to me, that is worth it all. That brings my over-all loss to 83.2 pounds. Only 16.8 pounds away from my 100 pound goal!!!

I went shopping last night and was very surprised. I bought my first EVER size 12 pant. I am down from a size 24 :). This really all feels like a dream. Never in a million years did I think I could do this. I have 11 weeks left of my summer, and I am planning on kicking MAJOR ass. I will reach my 100 pound goal by September 1st. My goal for next week is to lose 1.5 lbs.

Weigh in #16 + other stuff.

So, I see a pattern happening here. One week I will lose about 4 pounds, and the next little to NOTHING like I did this week. I am not sure if this is a bad thing or not. Is this my body's way of telling me to slow down? I am not really sure. I went to the doctor yesterday and she was very proud of me. She also said I am losing weight at a good steady rate. I'm not even sure if I should be concerned. When losing weight over a long period of time I suppose stuff like this will happen but I am not liking the inconsistency. I would rather lose 2 pounds a week, every week, than having it all bunched up one week like it has been. I guess just moving forward I will see what happens.

I'm getting pretty bored with the gym. I always try to switch it up but my goodness is it starting to suck! I'm considering talking a kickboxing or boxing class. I have plenty of free time now that it's summer and I think it will really help me get me losing more consistently. I need something else to look forward too other then walks or the gym. This will also help me get to that 100 pound goal quicker. I am only 20 pounds away! If my calculations are correct, at the rate I'm going I will most likely lose my 100 pounds by September 1st. This is CRAZY too me. I remember crying 80 pounds ago thinking I could never do it- but here I am, the time flew by.

Next week my goal is 2 pounds. I have been pretty stressed out lately so we will see how it goes.

Nutrition.

I was watching the biggest loser this week and something one of the trainers said really stuck with me. He said something like, when you are eating restricted calories, every calorie needs to count. Then he went on the explain every calorie you put into your body needs to have some sort of nutritional value. I agree with him a hundred percent. Food is what we need to thrive and live on this earth. If you feed your body high fat, high sugar foods and eat high calories, you aren't doing your body good. Fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats (if you eat meat), and whole grains and lots of water is what your body needs to be it's best! I took what he said to heart and looked through my journals to see if I was making every calorie count, and of course there is always room for improvement.     
  
I love subway veggie subs. I always pair them with baked chips. However, besides maybe 1 gram of protein or fiber, what is the good in baked chips? Yes, they are healthier then your typical fried chip, but there really isn't any benefits. I am cutting those out, and replacing them with fruit.
    
Another example I discovered wasn't the best was a couple month ago- I fell in love with soup, and I still eat soup frequently but realized if I am not eating soup that's packed with veggies, what is the good in it? It is just a bunch of sodium. So, for  months now I only buy soups that have a full serving of veggies in them, and are low in sodium.
     
Another MAJOR one, that is simple to change is soda. Soda is horrible for your body. It is liquid candy. I am so upset I used to drink so much of it. I haven't had soda in almost a year and a half. A couple months ago I remember I had a sip of someones and I gaged. When you don't drink nothing but water for a while, you will see just how sweet and gross soda actually is. Water and tea is perfect to drink when you are trying to lose weight, or just get healthy. Water is amazing. It cleans out toxins, flushes your body out, hydrates your skin, and makes you feel great. Tea has all kinds of health benefits that are just to long to list. Lightly sweetened teas are a great replacement to sugary drinks.

It is one thing to lower your calorie amount to be healthier, and it is truly a great start if you want to lose weight. However, in the long run, every calorie does need to have nutritional value. Your body and mind will feel so much better.

I have been so busy with school! However, it's all over for me tomorrow. I am so excited I can't even handle it. With school ending and summer beginning I am going to focus 100 percent on the 100 pound weight loss goal. I am so close I can taste it!!!!!

Weigh in #15

Yesterday I weighed in and lost 3.8 pounds. I worked my ass off considering my tiny loss the week before. My average calories were 1666 and I worked out 3 times. My pool is finally opened . I have been in it so, so much and I think that really helped me lose much more than I thought I would this week. My arms hurt so bad from swimming, I forgot what good exercise it really is! This summer I am really pushing myself. I am so close to my 100 pound loss, I want to reach it so bad, I need too. I work so hard and losing that 100 pounds will be the best gift. Keeping my eye on the prize people!!!!

Weigh in #14

This week I had a small loss- 0.6 pounds. I wish it was more, but it is a step in the right direction so I'm happy. I know my eating had an effect on my smaller loss this week. I messed up 2 times. I ate 2 really bad things I normally would NEVER eat. It happens- just have to move forward and work towards my next weeks goal of 2 pounds. My average calories for this week was 1635, and I worked out 3 times. Although my calories were on point, what I ate was not the best, I could have made better choices. I know every week can't be perfect, and that was definitely true for this past week.

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous. I have been spending a lot of time in the sun. I have a bunch of hiking trips planned for the summer, one coming up this week. I can't wait! This summer I can't wait to focus 100% on my weight loss.

Learning.

Being so close to my hundred pound weight loss goal, I think it is safe to say, that what I am doing to lose weight is working. A lot of people lately have been reaching out to me for help. I am going to share exactly what I have done to get to where I am now. I want to help everyone who needs it, and make a lasting impact.


Learn to face reality.
Dieting and pills do not work. There is no simple or quick fix for weight loss, it is a life-style change. For example, once I reach my goal weight, I am obviously not going to go back to the way I used to eat or live. I would gain the weight back. Changes need to be made that you can live with forever. Also, being patient is the most important thing you need to have a successful loss. It is not easy, it is a long and painful process. However, if you are patient and take things slow and understand that mistakes and set backs are the reality, success is possible. Learning how to deal with them is the key.

Realize the small changes make a big difference.
Small changes in eating habits and activity is a great way to start any weight loss. For me, I started measuring my food at first. I ate exactly how I did before, just ate the serving size. That really taught me proper portion control. Any small change is a good one, like no longer eating fast food, no longer drinking soda, or no longer adding salt to your meals. All of those changes are very small, but extremely helpful. In terms of exercising, I started off very slow. I picked 1 day a week to make a gym trip or just take a walk. Once I saw my results, that number increased. Small changes will turn into big ones once you see a difference.

Learn that avoiding some foods is just a must.
This is the hardest part for some people. However, it is the most important. When you are over-weight or obese food isn't just food. It is comfort, or even your addiction. That is why some foods just need to no longer be apart of your life. Fast food is a huge one. There is nothing good about it. It is so unhealthy and when trying to get healthy and lose weight, it does nothing but hurt you. Fatty and sugary coffee drinks are in the same category. I always tell everyone my vices. These are my list of food I avoid all together. I know they are so bad and high in calories. Domino's pizza, chips and salsa from Chili's and cupcakes! I miss them all, but they aren't worth gaining weight back.


 Learn to love fruits and veggies.
Eating an abundance of fruit and vegetables is insanely important. It is natural and from earth. Adding a fruit or veggie to each meal or snack is great. I alternate- fruit with breakfast, vegetables with lunch, fruit with snack, vegetables with dinner, and then fruit with dessert or late night snack. The great thing about them, especially vegetables is, eating a lot of them is a good thing!

Learn to be consistent.
Consistency is key. Continually eating right, and exercising will make a difference, changes will occur. You can't eat healthy things one day and the next go out for fast food, or workout everyday one week, and none the next. Staying consistant is crucial to succeed. Healthy calories in, burning calories out. That is weight loss.

Weight loss is a huge learning process as you can see. It is a lot of work to basically teach yourself how to be healthy and what works for you. It is a struggle, but you can make that happen.

Weigh in #13

This past week was crazy busy. I feel like I had no time to focus 100% on my loss. This created a lot of problems. One of the biggest I had was finding time to work out. I worked out 2 times, and then did a quick walk another day. I felt so bad about it. I felt like I was wasting time. It is finally my summer. My time to really focus and work my hardest. This week, I didn't focus 100%. My sister moved home from Arizona, and I am so happy. All the excitement and late nights did get me off track though. It was so worth it- I lost 4.2 pounds. The goal I set for myself to reach by June 24, has been reached, over a month in advance.
I really needed this. I needed to see that I am not wasting my time. I am working hard and focusing even when I don't realize it. I am so deep into a schedule and knowing what to do, it is just working. Like I said before, I feel so incredibly lucky. I am so happy.

Weigh in #11

This week has been so busy and crazy, last week of school, so my weight loss wasn't even my first priority. This past weekend was a flop in terms of eating. I messed up pretty bad. I went to a resturant and had green bean fries and dessert. I have felt terrible about it all week :(. Then Sunday I went to a really fun birthday party. I had a great time, however, I had like actual pizza, and pasta. Stuff I NEVER eat. So, the past 3 days I have been focusing as much as I can on healthy eating. My average calories for this past week was 1620. I had 3 great workouts at home this past week too, no time for the gym at all! I lost 2.6 pounds. I am actually really surprised. If any loss at all I was thinking I would just lose a pound. I cannot complain, I am so freaking happy. I feel so accomplished and just really to move forward. I feel so lucky, I am not really sure why, but that's how I feel writing this post. The weather is warm and sunny today, I'm excited to get outside!

:D!

With my loss today, that brings my total loss for the past 11 weeks to 18.4 pounds. An average of about 1.7 pounds a week.

The chart.

I am always looking for ways to motivate myself and keep myself interested in this, what feels like, never ending process of losing. I found the best motivational tool ever. It took about 10 minutes to make, and I really feel because of this, I have been losing more consistently.

I made a chart, on a large piece of poster board with 4 columns to fill out and hung it on the back of my bed room door, so I always see it.

The first column is date- I list my weigh in days, so for me, every Thursday (I have 8 weeks on mine)
Second, weight- I fill in my weight for that weigh in day.
Third is my loss- I put my weekly loss, then my loss so far all together.
Forth is my mood- I write how I feel about my weekly results.

The mood column is just as important as the loss column. For example- If I have a bad week, and I write upset or mad, I will see that all through out the week. It motivates me to work harder. If I have a great week, I can remember how I felt at that exact moment, and I will strive harder to get those results again. The best thing about it is, you get to see your progress, and get to learn the patterns of weight loss your body goes through.

This chart has completely changed my journey. It is there in front of my face and I want to see good numbers, and smiley faces! If you are working at this too, try out the chart, it is now an essential tool for me.

Off.

I am feeling so off track. This is the first time in months I have felt this way. I know exactly why, end of semester stress is here! School is over for me in 10 days. I have a presentation tomorrow, a huge take home test that is basically the essays from hell, and so so so so much still left to do with my online class. I am actually surprised I am feeling this now, usually it starts with still a month to go, therefore I shouldn't complain. However, my off trackness will definitely effect my weigh in this Thursday. This weekend was bad, really bad in terms of my eating. Of course by bad I mean, eating an average of probably 300 extra calories a day, but I know exactly how that will effect me, and it will not be good. I had to expect a bump in the road to come soon, I haven't had one in quite sometime.

Thankfully this will all be over in a week and a half. I am going to try to focus on my weight loss as much as possible. I refuse to fall completely off the wagon. I have some serious goals that mean a lot to me. School is my top priority for only 10 more days. Summer, for me, will finally be here, and I will be able to focus 150% on my weight loss. I cannot put into words how excited and motivated I feel for that. I just need to get through the next 10 days!

I just really hope my weigh in this week is not terrible :(
I just need to move forward. I have 3 full days before it, I can straighten things out by then!

Weigh in #10

Considering I lost close to 5 pounds last week, I wasn't expecting much of a loss this week. I did, however, lose a pound! I'm extremely happy with this because this week, I had Easter to get through, and I did have my fair share of chocolate!

Having small losses should never be a let down. Whether you have a 3 or 0.5 pound loss. It should always be celebrated. It is a step in the right direction and small losses will add up in the end. Because of my 1 pound loss this week, I lost a total of 8.2 pounds in the month of April. I could not be any happier!

Changes.

I remember when this all began I was most excited for one thing in particular, Clothes. I was so excited to get new ones, wear things I had never been able to before, and just dress however I wanted too, with no restrictions. However, the part I was most excited about is giving me the most problems.

I don't know why this is happening all of a sudden, but my body is changing every, about 2 weeks. In the past 3 weeks alone I went from a size 16 to a 14. None of my pants fit me, everything I bought months ago for spring is now way to big. Most people are probably saying, that is a good thing. It is for sure, but at the same time, causing issues for me.

Ever since I worked in retail, I have had a thing for clothes. I love to look nice no matter where I am going. I have always defined myself by what I wear and how I present myself. Lately, because all my clothes are huge and don't fit me right, or fit me great one week, then a week later no longer do, I feel very uncertain. I almost feel bad about myself. I feel like I am lacking the confidence I had when I was at my heaviest. It sounds crazy but this is what I am facing. My mom of course knows exactly how I feel. She said she has been through it, and it's one of the hardest things about losing weight. It's like having to get to know yourself all over again, all the time.

I was in tears today trying to get dressed. My room is a mess because I would try something on that I thought would fit, but it didn't. After trying like 10 outfits on I finally was able to pick something that fit decent. I decided I needed to go get at least some stuff to hold me over till the next size change. I got some new workout clothes, a couple shirts and a pair of pants.  I bought my first EVER size medium workout pants today. In the beginning they were extra, extra larges!

I know I just have to keep my head up. I know it sounds so silly to be so upset over something so great, but it is creating daily uncertainty, something I am not okay with. I need to gain back my confidence. I have never felt so gross. I still see myself 70 pounds ago. I need to re-learn my body and what looks good on it.

I am going to work through this just fine. Spending so much money on clothes every month however is a huge blow to my bank account.  I am about to go get rid of more clothes though. Goodwill must LOVE me!!

Meatlessness/Easter.

I haven't made an official decision, but I think I may be ready to go vegetarian. This is an idea I have considered for years. I have tried it maybe 3 times and then it just didn't work out. I haven't had any meat since Monday. I really feel a huge difference. I just feel lighter, it's hard to explain. I think it will work this time because I am more educated about food in general and substitutes for protein. Other times I tried I was kind of clueless. I want to really try it out before I declare anything. We will see how it goes for maybe the next week or two.

Tomorrow I am going to Joe's house for Easter brunch. Like on Christmas and Thanksgiving I'm not going to worry about counting calories. Holiday's are days to have fun and celebrate, NOT to worry about what you are eating. Obviously, keeping in mind not to go crazy! I made the cutest Easter dessert to bring! Carrot cake cupcakes with lavender colored cream cheese frosting. They are so cute. I had a bite of one tonight and I fell in love! Cupcakes are my favorite sweet in the whole wide world. I rarely have them anymore. Which is good, they are yummier if you only have them once in a while!

So the plan for tomorrow is:
Eat healthy & make good choices.
If there is something I know is not good, have a small portion/bite (just to try).
Have a cupcake!
Love my mom even more because she didn't put any candy in my basket <3
Get a workout in.

I know a lot of people trying to eat healthy and lose weight dread days like Easter, but it really does not have to ruin anything. Just keep a level head, make good choices, cheat a tiny bit, and you'll be fine!

Good luck! and Have fun!

Weigh in #9

This week has been one of the busiest weeks I have had in months. I had a ton of homework, and a huge project due all at the end of this week. My weigh in was truly not on my mind. I stuck to perfect eating, but only worked out 2 times this week. I was only 0.8 pounds away from being the smallest weight I have ever been. That was my goal this week. I just wanted to see that number. Since the beginning of all this, it has been a milestone I knew would mean the world to me. I got on the scale this morning, and to my surprise. I lost 4.6 pounds....
I am almost 4 pounds past that smallest number ever. I cannot believe this. I am so incredibly happy, the tears started immediately flowing. It was truly an indescribable type of happy. I came downstairs and told my mom, she started to cry too. It means so much to me that she cares about this as much, if not more than I do. Her support is crucial to me.

My confidants has been low for the past few weeks, and now, it is back with a bang. My goal for next week is a one and a half pound loss. I'm just so excited :)

Weigh in #8

Going into this weigh in, I knew it was going to be good. It is that time of the month, so that always means water weight gain. Last month as you can see I had a 2 pound gain. However, this time I actually lost a half pound. I'm happy I didn't see a gain on the scale. I'm really happy with this small loss, it is something, and every bit counts towards my over-all goal! My goal for next week is 2 pounds lost. I am very confident about it.
I'm really looking forward to Sunday, Im going to six flags. Last time I was there, 50 pounds ago, I barley fit in the rides. Im so excited to go, and just not worry about my size. I'll feel normal!

A must try!

I haven't had pasta in over a year. I used to eat it constantly because I'm Italian and that is what we eat in my house. I was emailed the most amazing recipe from the biggest loser club and OMG. It is one of the best dishes I have ever had. I'm going to post the recipe and directions for everyone to try. It's so simple and yummy and the serving is huge, I could barley finish.

Baked Ziti:

Olive oil spray

1 (14 ½-ounce) box fiber-enriched ziti or penne rigate

1 (15-ounce) container fat-free ricotta cheese

2 large egg whites

8 ounces (4 cups) finely shredded reduced-fat mozzarella cheese

¼ teaspoon garlic powder

Salt, to taste

Ground black pepper, to taste

Crushed red pepper flakes, to taste

3 ½ cups low-fat, low-sodium, marinara

2 tablespoons grated reduced-fat Parmesan cheese

Preheat the oven to 450°F.

Lightly mist a 13" × 9" × 2" ceramic or glass baking dish with the olive oil spray.

Cook the ziti according to package directions. Drain.

In a large mixing bowl, mix the ricotta, egg whites, and all but 1 cup of the mozzarella until well combined. Add the garlic powder and season with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. Stir in the cooked pasta until well combined.

Spread 1 cup of the marinara sauce on the bottom of the prepared dish. Add half of the pasta in an even layer over the sauce. Top the pasta evenly with another 1 cup sauce. Layer the remaining pasta over the sauce. Spoon the remaining 1 ½ cups sauce evenly over the top of the pasta, then sprinkle the remaining mozzarella and the Parmesan over the top.

Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the foil and bake 10 minutes longer, or until the mozzarella is melted. Let stand 5 minutes. Cut into 8 pieces or spoon among 8 bowls and serve.

Makes 8 servings

Per serving: 350 calories, 22 g protein, 57 g carbohydrates, 6 g fat (3 g saturated), 20 mg cholesterol, 8 g fiber, 429 mg sodium

Weigh in #7

I lost 2 pounds this week. What a great way to start off the month of April, and something I needed badly. The begining of this week was tough, and for some reason unknown, I was doubting myself and abilities. I am so happy to see a loss this week, I needed this motivation horribly. I am so excited to move forward and just simply lose this weight! I am a pound and a half away from an important milestone, the smallest I have ever been. I was 16 when I was and here I am 4 years later so close. Therefore, my goal for next week is to lose that pound and a half! I am so excited :)

Back on track

I am so happy to report I am out of my "blah" phase. Today was a new day, a new week:). What's most important to me is losing this weight. I am not going to let myself get down or feel shitty over anything!

Today was a good day in general. I had  a great day with work, school was good, but most of all I de-cluttered my room. This may be crazy but if my room is messy or cluttered it makes me feel all weird. I feel a lot less stressed if I have a clean, simple room. I threw out 2 bags of old stuff and put together a box filled with stuff for my mom to sell at a future garage sale. I also am giving 2 bags of clothes away to charity. I got rid of my old bathing suits, all my old pairs and leggings and a bunch of sweaters that were too big.  It is always a great feeling to get rid of like, the 7th bag of "fat" clothes!

What also pulled me out of my blahness was a lot of compliments today. At school I had 3 people ask "Have you lost more weight?!" So great to have your hard work recognized. To top it off I found this picture...

This was 2 months before I started my journey I was a size 22/24. I am NEVERNEVERNEVER going back. I will keep that promise to myself until the day I leave this earth.

Here is my journal from today:

Breakfast: Eggwhite & cheese on whole wheat toast: 175
                Strawberries: 25
                Coffee: 50
                                                         Total: 250

Snack: Greek yogurt w/ blueberries: 170

Lunch: Vegetable soup: 100
           Turkey on whole wheat: 170
                                                         Total: 270

Snack: Rice cake: 30
           Apple: 80
                                                         Total: 110

Dinner: 4 oz. Salmon: 175
            2/3 cup brown rice: 150
            Salad w/crasins & light walnut vinaigrette: 190
                                                        Total: 515

Snack: Pistachios: 160

Total: 1475 calories.
Water: 80oz.

 I ate 6 times today and still am 135 calories under my 1600 goal. Eating 3 smaller meals a day, and 3 snacks will help you maintain your metabolism. Not eating for long periods of time will slow it down, and make it that much more difficult to lose anything!

Blah...

Last week, and now this week I feel really just, blah. I am going about my days just, going with the flow. I am not excited or happy. I am not sad or mad either. I am just in this weird place right now. I feel tired, and unmotivated. I do not know where this is coming from what-so-ever. Since mid-February I have been so happy and excited every day to work towards this weight loss, and I just don't know what hit me.
 I am still eating great, sticking to healthy options, I worked out Monday, Wednesday and today, and had pretty active days in between. The only thing I can think of is, my sleep still isn't back to normal and I caught a cold Wednesday night, I am feeling like 80% better now but I just do not know. I really have never felt like this on this journey. I need something to get me back to feeling great. I hope I find my motivation soon, or I will have 2 bad weigh In's in a row. This is so sad, not even writing about it, which usually helps isn't helping.

I need to get out of this slump very quickly...

Weigh in # 6

        With my huge weight loss for last week, I wasn't expecting to lose much at all.  Two days ago I said to my mom,  I think I gained weight this week. For some reason I just knew. I didn't feel right. My eating was perfect this week, and with my pulled muscle I did the best I could with my work outs, I went to the gym 4 times. However, I had a very stressful week and I haven't been sleeping well at all.  Positive state of mind and sleep are just as important when trying to lose weight as anything else. I gained a half pound. This isn't a big deal. It isn't a set back at all, it's just unfortunate. On top of that, I woke up with a horrible cold this morning. So my body is just kind of out of wack. I'm not upset, things happen, I just need to relax and get back to my normal sleep pattern. Next week will be much, much better. My goal is 2 pounds.

Set back # 12001

Since the new Planet Fitness opened near where I live, it has been so much easier to get to the gym. It's so much closer then the one I used to go too. Therefore, I have been going A LOT. My body is sore 24/7 but I know it's worth it. HOWEVER- I fucked up. A couple times I went I didn't strech before or after my workout. I am paying the price now. I pulled my calf muscle 2 days ago. It's so painful. It's hard to even walk right. I did some research and basically every site is saying to NOT workout. I cannot afford not to workout. I am on this positive, consistant losing streak. Of course this would happen now! I feel like everytime everything starts going good, something bad ALWAYS comes up. This is my trend through-out this journey, set back after set back.

All I know is, at this point, I know a lot of people would give up. It is so hard to stay positive when trying to lose weight. So many things can get in the way. I know I just have to keep going and try my hardest under each circumstance. I have been pushed to the edge so many times with this, I have not given up once. I think it's safe to say I am in this untill the end.

The game plan is as follows. I haven't worked out since this happened 2 days ago. I have been putting icey hot patches on my muscle through-out the day, and it's much easier to walk now. I am going to go to the gym as planned this week just do VERY light cardio and work my upper-body. Im going to continue eating my best. That way, I know if I don't reach my weekly goal for Thursday, I did everything I could and tryed my hardest. If I don't lose weight, I will the next week. Just have to keep going.

:(

Weigh in #5

Just a quick weigh in update- Since the start of my second year, Feb/18th-
 I have lost 10.3 pounds in total!!!!

I lost 4.2 pounds this week! I couldn't be more proud. I am so sore from the gym, I can barley move and this loss made that all okay. I'm right back on track with my over-all loss, since my 2 pound gain last week. It's amazing when you see your hard work pay off in such a big way! My goal for next week is a pound and a half.

A personal milestone is coming up for me. The smallest weight I have ever been is only 3 pounds away! Crazy... sometimes I feel like I am in a dream. It really is just a great feeling.
So excited to keep moving forward.

At last- spring!

Spring is officailly here. I cannot put into words how happy I am, so, I won't even try!

I had a wonderful weekend. I went on a sweet shopping spree at an outlet mall Friday. The weather was out of this world nice. So warm, I even broke out the flip flops! Saturday, I went to an aquarium, it was the coolest place I think I have ever been. So over all weekend wise, amazing! I did great with my food, and got in a lot of walking. Picture perfect to say the least :)

With all this warm weather and the arrival of spring, I remembered about all my summer clothes packed away in draws that I had forgotten about. I tried on everything today, and basically, I will be spending a lot of money on everything new for summer. NOTHING fits. Bathing suits are huge, shirts look like dresses, my sun dresses look like big blankets, and my pants just simply fall off. That is probably one of the best feelings I have had so far on this journey. Seeing all my hard work over winter pay off!

The new planet fitness opened too! I'm pretty sure it opened sometime last week, but I was so busy I didn't even find out till about 4:15 today, I was there working out by 4:30! I love it. It's all so new and exciting. It's only 10 minutes from my house. That is going to make going to the gym so much less time consuming.

With spring and the new gym here, I didn't think I could feel more motivated than I was after my last weigh in, but I am. Cannot wait to see my results on Thursday!

Here is my journal from today-

Breakfast: Quaker oatmeal squares cereal: 220
                Banana: 100
                Coffee: 50
                                                            Total: 370

Lunch: Turkey & Cheese on whole wheat: 160
           Salad w/ crasins & B.V: 190
                                                            Total: 350

Snack: Apple: 80

Dinner: 4oz Salmon: 140
            1 cup whole grain rice: 240
            Aspragus: 25
                                                            Total: 405

Dessert: Sugar free ice pop: 25

Total: 1230
Water: 80 oz

I really didn't eat enough today! When you eat healthy, it is so hard to eat the right amount of calories. It is so much food! Only because everything is so low calorie. That's why it is so important to journal, so you see exactly what you eat. Not eating enough can have the same effect as eating too much. You will gain weight.
                              

Weigh in #4

So, I knew I wasn't going to lose much at all this week. I just started working out again like 3 days ago, and it's that time of the month. That means for me, water weight gain, and boy was I right. I hopped on the scale this morning to see a 2 pound gain. This is very rare, and made me very sad. This has only happened to me twice before, so I got really upset, but looking at the bigger picture, it really is okay. Next week will be A LOT better, I set a very high goal for myself, 2.5 pounds. I just need to stay motivated, because this weeks weigh in was a true discouragment to say the least. Since my first weigh of my second year, I lost an inch off my waist, making my total so far 7 inches lost! That made the dissappointment of a gain this week a lot better!

Even though the number on the scale sucked, this week was great for other reasons. Just need to stay positive, and keep working very hard.

Letting go.

I got a message from an old friend last night, he said the nicest things to me about this journey, and how I have found my happiness, and it really got me thinking...

When I look back on my middle and high school years, I always think of the negitive things and events that happened. I see the times I was made fun of, the times I felt disgusting, and I think of the people who were mean to me. The message I got last night really made me think of the friends I did have. The people who accepted me for what I was, and thought I was beautiful anyway. They stuck up for me, and made me feel safe. They are the people that made me feel brave, and the reason I was able to drag myself to school each day. Even if I haven't talked to you since we graduated, you know exactly who you are and I want to thank you, I have not given you the credit you deserve.

I will forever look back at the good times. I am moving forward with my life in so many ways, and now, I know apart of that is letting go of everything negitive about my past.

Positivity!

I think this weekend was as close to perfect as it gets. I feel like things in my life are getting back to normal, I am feeling much better, and I am just ridiculously  happy. I've dicovered a lot of things in the past couple weeks, and the main one is, being happy is a lot more fun than being down. Also, not to let little things bring me down. I let EVERYTHING get to me, and stress me out, and this past week I really have been trying to work on that, and I feel so much better. I think that had something to do with my weight loss this past week. I just feel more laid back and relaxed. Positive mind set = positive journey.

I tryed some new foods and recipes this weekend. My mom found whole wheat pancake mix. I am in love. They taste like a flat corn muffin. The texture is very hardy, and they were very filling. The serving size was 1/3 cup of the batter. That makes a pretty big pancake, I had 2 for 260 calories. I didn't want to soak it in fattening butter, or sugary syrup so as they were cooking, I sprinked cinnamon on both sides, and they were really yummy.

Also, I made pizza bagels for lunch yesturday. I took 2 whole wheat Thomas's mini bagels. Toasted them. Then I spread about 1 teaspoon full of ragu homestyle pizza sauce on each half, all together it was 1/4 cup, 30 caloires, and 1/3 cup weight watchers italian style blend cheese, a big pinch on each half, 70 caloires all together. Then I put them under the broiler to melt the cheese. They tasted amazing, all for 320 calories. Those I will definitely be making again! Much healthier than the frozen ones!

My weigh in, as always, is on thursday. I am very confident. I have been having a great week, and started doing some light workouts, nothing crazy, just walking and pilates, don't want to hurt myself more! However, my head is feeling better. No more headaches, the dizziness is pretty much gone too. I still have a huge, painful bump though, I wonder how long that will take to go away?! Hopefully soon.



                                                                          

Weigh in #3

Waking up this morning I honestly didn't even remember it was my weigh in day. This week was very interesting, and losing weight was not my top priority. I was more concerned about getting better. I continuted my healthy eating, but didn't work out at all, because of my concussion. I've just been taking it easy. Therefore, I was not expecting any kind of loss this week. However, I was pleasantly surprised to step on the scale this morning and see a 2.8 pound loss, for the 2nd week in a row! I CANNOT believe it. I have absolutly no complaints though. I thought my scale was messed up or something. I weighed myself like 5 times, and sure enough, it's true. This really is great, I have no explanation for it, other then really focusing on healthy eating.  Im so excited to move forward, get better and start working out again!

My goal for next week is 1 pound.

Set back #12000

So, my head has gotten worse since my episode. I have a constant headache, feel dizzy, and just so weak. I went to the doctor today and it turns out I have a concussion from my fall. Seriously? This would happen to me. The doctor said I cannot workout until my dizziness stops completely. She said it may be 2 weeks. I cannot afford to lose 2 weeks of this. How many more set backs can I possibly handel? It is getting so annoying! I just want to work on this consistantly, with no interruptions! I know ,however, set backs are going to happen. You just cannot give up on something if you want to more than anything. Just have to keep going!

On a more positive note, this was the first time I was at the doctor in a year and 2 months. She was thrilled with my weight loss. That made me feel great. There aren't too many people I see in my life as rarley as my doctor, and she noticed it without looking at my charts. She said I looked great, THEN went in her little computer to see how much I had lost. It felt really good.

I got to see a sneak peek at my weight today at the doctor too, because now my mom hides the scale from me. I know I atleast lost a pound, hopefully by thursday I can pull another 1/2 pound to reach my weekly goal. But with everything that went on this week, I'm just happy Im okay!

Since working out isn't even possible till Im better I need to put on my focus on really healthy eating. No mistakes! That way I may still have a chance at losing a couple pounds.

My Saturday.

Saturday was the most interesting, life-changing day of my life so far. Here is what happened...

I was feeling sick all through-out the night. I kept waking up with a little stomach ache, but nothing I was alarmed about. I woke up around 9:30, layed in bed watching T.V till about 11. I felt a little under the weather, but I was going to go on with my day as usual. I got in the shower, everything was fine until I got this over-whelming feeling that I was going to throw up. I got out of the shower, and all I could really do was just stand there. I didn't understand what was going on with my body. I felt sick, dizzy, heavy and just awful all at once. The sound of the water got really quite, and the next thing I knew, I woke up, laying on the bathroom floor. I passed out , and hit my head on the tile floor. After about 5 seconds of trying to figure out where I was, I got sick. My head was absolutely killing me,and  my memory was blurred. I was absolutley terrified.

Thankfuly Joe was there, and heard me fall and rushed to see what happened. He woke me up from my black out. I think what woke up me was the terror in his voice. I had never heard him so scared before. He drove me to the E.R and stayed with me all day. I honestly don't think I could ever repay him for his support and help, and for staying calm all day for me, even though I am sure, well I know, he was just as scared as I was.

They gave me a catscan, and E.K.G and took viles of blood. After about 5 hours. I was discharged. The E.R doctor was very concerned about my sugar levels. I was tested there, and I was at about an 86. Which is on the boarder of being low. Turns out, the night before I ate something bad. My body was so over-whelmed by it, that I had this episode. I think it was a combination of the two.

I am okay now, other than a HUGE bump on my head, bruising on my shoulders, lower back, and being very sore. This could have been much worse. When something like this happenes, you really see your world differently. Up until then, nothing this scarey had ever happened to me before. It is kind of sad it took something like this to jolt me back to wanting to be happy all the time, and realizing life is so short, and in one moment your world can be turned upside down. I am so thankful for my family, my friends, and espeically Joe for being the hero.

This will obviously effect my weight-loss this week. No exercise until my head is better. This does delay it, but getting better is my top priorty. This gave me another reason to lose my weight. I never want to be in a hospital again. It isn't a fun place to be at all. I'm glad that through such a negitive experience, I have a new outlook on my health and my life.

Weigh in #2.

I lost 2.8 pounds this week! YAYAY!

I couldn't be more happy. I was very confident going into my weighin this morning. I did so amazing with my calories, and workouts this week. Also, my mom hid the scale. Everything worked out perfect! It's great to see your hard work pay off. Nothing else really do report today, but I will update again soon :)
My goal for next week is to lose a pound and a half.

More water please!

Latley something as been off. I'm trying to figure out whats going on, I am so light headed! Everytime I stand up, I get this like crazy rush to my head and get all dizzy. Literally, everytime. I started talking a multi-vitamin. I'm really not sure if that could contribute to this at all. This has been happening for maybe like, 3 days now. I was looking in my journals to see if my eating was off, and I noticed my water intake as has been decreasing. I usually have right around 90 or so oz. The past few days I've only had about 50 each day. Im really hoping this is it. Water is the most important thing for your over-all health, and Im really not sure why I have put that on the back burner the past couple of days. I guess I have just been so busy I forgot! NOT GOOD. Today and for the next couple days I will be getting back on track with my water intake, and hopefully my dizziness will stop. It's so annoying, and it is affecting my workouts, which is never a good thing.

I have been doing so good with my eating. Everything in that department is going smoothly! Nothing else really to report. My next weigh in is on Thursday the 3rd. I cannot wait to see my 2 pound loss on the scale, I know I will reach it this week!

Disappointing.

Today was my first weigh in of my second year. I did a wonderful job this week, my average calorie intake was 1650 and I worked out 5 out of 6 days. I was really excited and was newly motivated. Unfortunatly my enthusiasm  didn't shine through on the scale. I only lost half a pound. I was so mad I smacked the wall. I calmed down and realized I have had dozons of weeks like this one. I lost 2 pounds each for the past 2 weeks. I should have expected a disappointing week coming. All I can do is look forward to next week. I set a 2 pound loss for my next weigh in on March 3rd. I know everything will work out, just need to keep a level head, stay calm, and work hard.

I have been watching Ruby on netflix. She is a women who weighed 716 pounds at her heaviest, her show is about her weight loss journey and let me tell you, it is one of the most motivating shows I have ever watched. It differs from shows like the biggest loser because she is doing it on her own. She has lost over 340 pounds! Season 2 ended with her at 357 pounds. I beleive the 3rd season starts in the beginging of March. I cannot wait to watch it. In one of the episodes I saw that she had a weigh in chart. I thought it was a great motivational tool. I made one of my own and hung it on the back of my bedroom door. I have a date, weight, loss from that week, and mood colum. It's a great reminder every morning to stay focused and work hard for the next week. The show is wonderful and anyone who is losing weight I feel will benefit from watching her amazing journey, it's super inpirational.

School is really rough right now. Mid terms are already here. I can't believe it! I feel like this semester just started. Im drowning in homework and online class work. This weekend I need to really focus and get all my work done. I need to make sure I keep my stress levels low because I really, really want to lose this next 42 pounds as easily as possible, and stress will make it 100 times harder than it needs to be.

My motivational words for this week "it'll happen, just be confident." Thanks Joe!

Pizza & stuff.

Now that I have been working at this for a year, I feel myself wanting to branch out and try new recipes and food. I have been having so much fun trying new things! These 3 are really good dinner ideas and are about 500 calories each.

Healthy Pizza?
- I use a "?" because it's so hard to find a low calorie pizza. As I have mentioned before, Thursdays at my house are "take out" night, and my family always gets pizza or chinese. For the past couple of months I have been absolutly sick of them eating it with me at the table eating a salad. I had enough! So I took action, and I'm so excited.  A slice of pizzeria pizza can be anywhere from 400-600 calories and is packed with cheese and yucky grease and an unhealthy crust. Heres what I did, I got a whole wheat crust from the store. Not a mini size, a regular size. I just got plain ragu pizza sauce and low-fat part skim mozzerella cheese. I wanted to load it with veggies, but since this was my first try, I didn't want to chance it, so I had a salad, but anyway... It was SO GOOD. I put the crust in the oven to crisp it for about 10 minutes, took it out, put 1/2 cup sauce and 1/2 cup cheese, baked it for another 5 to 10 minutes, and yummo. Half of my whole wheat pizza was 500 calories. HALF. I had half a pizza (about 4 small slices) for about the same amount as 1 slice of pizzeria pizza. Love it.

Chunky Veggie Chili.
- This is amazing. It is so good, and is perfect to eat in this horrible winter weather. I put about 10 baby carrots quatered, 3 celery sticks chopped, one medium onion, 2 garlic gloves, sautee all that, then I brown either ground turkey, beef and chicken (ground turkey is the best in my opinon) add a can of tomatoes,small can of kidney beans and some chili seasoning. Let that all simmer for however long you want. It's so good. I put it over brown rice. It is so filling and so delicious. This is probably my favorite thing ever. I follow the serving size with the rice, and then measure out about a cup and a half of chili.

Eggplant Lasanga.
- I tried this for the first time tonight and I was blown away. It was so good, and SO filling. I baked the eggplant in the oven after I put about 1/4 cup breadcrumbs on the slices. I boiled whole wheat noodle sheets, I didn't feel like waiting for them to bake. After those where both done, I just layerd it like a regular lasanga just instead of a meat layer, I put eggplant, and barley any cheese. Just 1/4 cup on the top. My mom said "I feel like Im eating at a resturant, this is so good!" So did I. It was fabulous. I just follow the serving size with the pasta and cheese.

Once you have healthy eating down, it is so important to find new foods to try. This is really keeping me motivated and it is so fun! It's like an adventure finding healthy ways of making things. It is so worth it when you can eat the things you love, just a little healthier and see results! I will post more recipies as I try them.

On another note, I just wanted to say I'm really enjoying all the email questions, and I am so, so glad to help anyone. Keep them coming!

Year uno, complete.

So today is my one year! I honestly am so proud. I never thought in a million years I could change myself, all by myself. I feel so much happier and healthier than I did a year ago. 58 pounds ligher, and so, so much more happier. With that said, this is only the first year of my change. It will be a life long one for sure, but that's totally okay with me! I would rather be healthy for the rest of my life, doing exactly what I am doing than EVER going back to how I used to be. It just isn't worth it.  So for year one I have an average of a 1.1 pound loss per week!

To celebrate I went shopping :) I got 3 new pairs of pants and a couple of shirts. I'm so excited to wear all my new clothes. I got a lot of walking in, but I'm about to go work out anyway because I ate out TWICE today. I mean I was out all day, this is the first time Ive been home since 11am. I haven't done that since new years day, but I was much, much smarter about it this time than last. I got a wrap and skipped the mayo, so my lunch calories were around 600 and for dinner I got soup and a side salad. So my calories out for the day were about 1000, then with breakfast and my snacks I had a perfect 1600 calorie day. I feel really bloated though because resturant food is just so salty!!

I cannot wait to continue this, and keep working toward my 100 pound weight loss goal. I want to reach that by july 1st. Only 42 more pounds! YAY!