Changes.

I remember when this all began I was most excited for one thing in particular, Clothes. I was so excited to get new ones, wear things I had never been able to before, and just dress however I wanted too, with no restrictions. However, the part I was most excited about is giving me the most problems.

I don't know why this is happening all of a sudden, but my body is changing every, about 2 weeks. In the past 3 weeks alone I went from a size 16 to a 14. None of my pants fit me, everything I bought months ago for spring is now way to big. Most people are probably saying, that is a good thing. It is for sure, but at the same time, causing issues for me.

Ever since I worked in retail, I have had a thing for clothes. I love to look nice no matter where I am going. I have always defined myself by what I wear and how I present myself. Lately, because all my clothes are huge and don't fit me right, or fit me great one week, then a week later no longer do, I feel very uncertain. I almost feel bad about myself. I feel like I am lacking the confidence I had when I was at my heaviest. It sounds crazy but this is what I am facing. My mom of course knows exactly how I feel. She said she has been through it, and it's one of the hardest things about losing weight. It's like having to get to know yourself all over again, all the time.

I was in tears today trying to get dressed. My room is a mess because I would try something on that I thought would fit, but it didn't. After trying like 10 outfits on I finally was able to pick something that fit decent. I decided I needed to go get at least some stuff to hold me over till the next size change. I got some new workout clothes, a couple shirts and a pair of pants.  I bought my first EVER size medium workout pants today. In the beginning they were extra, extra larges!

I know I just have to keep my head up. I know it sounds so silly to be so upset over something so great, but it is creating daily uncertainty, something I am not okay with. I need to gain back my confidence. I have never felt so gross. I still see myself 70 pounds ago. I need to re-learn my body and what looks good on it.

I am going to work through this just fine. Spending so much money on clothes every month however is a huge blow to my bank account.  I am about to go get rid of more clothes though. Goodwill must LOVE me!!