Bump.

I hate my body today. What happenes as soon as I am on a roll with this, yet another bump in the road. I went to bed last night, and woke up this morning deathly ill. My chest is so freakin congested, I can barley breath, I'm so, so dizzy, and my stomach is killing me. Seriously? Of course this would happen. That seems to be the ongoing theme for the past almost year, "Let's throw every curve ball her way, and see if she fails." Guess what? Not happening..

I'm going to stick to my healthy eating, reguardless of being sick. It's hard when you aren't yourself, but I will do it. Also, exercise is extermly hard. I'm just going ot stay as active as possible without pushing myself to my limits. I figured I'd either take some walks outside, or on the tredmill, also do some light weights instead of my resistance bands.

Being sick is truley debilitating when you are trying to lose weight, it throws your whole body out of wack. Especially when you have a stomach thing to go along with it. Hopefully this ends soon, and I can just work at this how I want too.

Smoooooth.

Things since my last post have been going very, very smoothly. My workouts have been great, even though I am insanly sore. I've been doing my pilates like always, and going to the gym. I recently started using resistance bands and WOW. I'm in love. I cannot tell you how amazing they are. My arms have never been so sore. If you want a great arm workout, get these bands now and you will see crazy results. My arms look more defined and I can't wait to keep using them!

Anywho, I am going crazy not weighing myself all the time. I feel like I am breaking an addiction. Every morning when I wake up, that is the first thing I used to go do, so naturally, that's the first thing I think of doing even now. It's calming down a little, but I still really want too. I need to not, I know it's going to mess me up. It is so so hard, but I know I can do it..

Eating has been good, and I'm still focused on my goals. Can't wait!

Broken.

My scale has been broken for the past week and a half. That's why I wasn't "losing weight." I really have been, just wasn't aware I guess. But this got me thinking. Stepping on the scale and seeing a 5 pound lost instead of a 1 or 2 pound loss was so so incredible. This got me thinking. Should I weigh myself so much? I've come to the conclusion NO.

It is way more inspiring to me to see a big number. This keeps me motivated and more excited. Do not get me wrong. Seeing a 1 pound loss every like 4 days is cool too. However, I really want to only weigh myself maybe once every 2 weeks so I get to see a bigger loss. This is the jolt I needed. I need to stop being so obsessed with the number on the scale. I think this is was is holding me back. Weighing myself all the time is sort of discoraging. I really only became obsessive in the past few months, and I have lost a lot less weight of recent than ever, I think this is why.

I tucked my scale away in the closet, I am NOT going to weigh myself until Febuary 4th, and then 2 weeks later again on the 18th (my one year). I honestly think this will keep me working harder. Not knowing were I am weight wise 3 times a day I think will help me stay very motivated. I'm so sad I let the number take over, and kind of put a huge, huge damper on my progess. Oh well, time to move forward, and learn from yet another set back.

My one year is on Febuary 18th. My goal is to have lost 60 pounds. I am 9 Pounds away.
I want to reach my 100 pound loss on July first, I am 43 pounds away.

I am so fucking excited.

In need of a jolt.

So I'm beginning to settle into my new schedule with school and work. My stomach thing lasted about 3 days, and then other lady problems occured, so last week was a definite miss on the working out side, but I have been doing great, like super great with my eating. It's at the point were, I don't even think unhealthy anymore.

Last night, I went out for to dinner with my mom. It was just us two at home, so we decided to treat ourself. The menu was really unhealthy, even the salads raised red flags for me. So, I got a veggie burger, only ate it with half the bun, and got a side salad instead of fries. So yummy.

Tonight it is pizza or chinese night at my house, which is my weekly battle. I had a cup of white rice (mom forgot to ask for brown) , and got steamed veggies and beef. Do you know how hard it is to eat STEAMED chinese food, when there is sesame chicken, and beef lo mein staring at you in the face? I do, it is NOT fun at all. However, I know I don't even want that crap anymore..

I have been thinking about a jolt in my diet. Things are moving really slow for me since my 7 pound lost in the beginning of the month, even though I am doing a great job with my caloric intake and my workouts. I have been trying out a "less meat" not a "meat less" thing. I just feel like I eat to much meat, and dairy. Every night I usually have chicken, or some kind of red meat. I want to try to limit chicken to only two times a week, and red meat to once a week, or even once every 2 weeks. This will allow me to eat a lot more veggies and whole grains. I want to base my meals around those things rather then meat. Also, I looked through all my journal entries and on average eat dairy 4 times a day. I'm cutting that down to 2 times a day. I've been trying this for about a week now, and I can honestly say, I think it is beneficail for me. I know a lot of people depend on meat for their protein, however, Im going to try really hard and find other, healthier food. We'll see how it goes!

Almost over.

So, I go back to school in 3 days. What a fun break! It had a lot of weight loss up's and down's for sure. I lost 3 pounds, then gained 5, and now I am down to a 7 pound loss and it has been sticking, no more gaining for me. I am on a great schedule with my workouts. Ive been going to the gym everyother day. I've been switching up my workouts too, so I don't get bored. One day I'll do an hour of cardio, or half hour of cardio and some toning stuff. Or start with toning and end with cardio. I feel like this is really working a lot better then just going to the gym and always doing the same thing. I feel a huge difference in how I feel too. Consistantly working out is seriously the best medicine. I feel so much better during the day, I never really get tired either. It's awesome. I honestly do not think I can go back to not working out at all, I would feel way to crummy.

So, eating on the other hand has been rough the past couple days. The past 2 nights, I have had to fall asleep with a horrible stomach ache, I'm really not sure whats going on, so yesturday, I ate really light, and didn't eat enough at all, just because Im trying to figure out what is making my stomach hurt at night. I tired greek yogurt for the first time, maybe that could be it? I'm really not sure. Hopefully I get to the bottom of it though, because I am not eating enough out of fear of feeling sick again. I hate having stomach aches :(

Going back to school and settling into a new routine is exciting. I'll be set in this new schedule till mid-may, then summer<3 I seriously cannot wait! My over-all weight loss goal of 100lbs WILL be reach on July 1st. I only have 43 more lbs to lose :)!

Docs.

I have been so busy! I have been really focused on working out, and sticking to my calories. Since my last post I have lost another 2 pounds. So, since the new year, I have dropped 7 pounds :). What an awesome feeling! Im just trying to get the weight down before my one year!

I have been watching a lot of documentaires latley on obesity and beauty in america.  I cannot explain how sad, discouraging and just over-all horrific I found them. One of the documentaries "Killer at Large" was actually very informitive and positive, I would  recommend it for anyone. However, I watched another one called " FAT: What they aren't telling you." This one I found discoraging. Basically at one point a doctor in the film explains... If you have been over weight as a child, and decide to lose weight as an adult it was almost "superhuman" to be able to lose the weight, and keep it off for good. I was like, WTF. This country is so concerned with this epidemic, then they have a doctor telling people like me, basically, you have no chance. How awesome is that? Im totally ignoring that little comment, and just going to move forward. The third documentary I saw was called "America the Beautiful." I cannot even put this one into words. It was shocking. If you have netflix, or have acsess to this somehow, put this at the top of your list to watch, it is completely eye opening.

I will update again soon with more weight loss!

-5!

Just a quick update- Tthe extra 5 pounds I packed on from new years eve is gone! I am just beyond happy. Being fully back on track and finally over that stupid set back makes me very happy and makes me feel even more motivated and even more positive that I can do this! I have been consistantly working out and right on track with my calories. Couldn't be more happy!

+5?

I woke up Sunday morning and felt like crap. Want to know why? I ate crap on new years eve. As I was writing my last blog, apparently I forgot about new years. I was all motivated and excited then, whoa, another holiday. Basically, to make a long story short, it was probably the worst day I have had since I started this whole thing. I mean BAD. Including eating a ton of snack stuff, eating out that day 2 times, and drinking alcohol, which is a very rare occurance for me. I was out all day, and with friends, that seems to be the hardest time to stick to this.
I didn't weigh myself Saturday because I was just scared. I did great with my eating on Saturday, got right back on track. So when Sunday rolled around, and I still felt gross I decided to see what was up and hello 5 pounds I just lost...
I hate set-backs, especially when I did amazing all through out December. I really messed up :(

No time to dwell, just time to move forward. I think some of it was just me being bloated, I had another great day yesturday, including a very long workout, this morning I was down 2 pounds. So only 3 more to lose before I am back to my Friday morning weight. It's crazy how easy it is to gain weight, and how hard it is to lose... so NOT fair!

Here is my journal from yesturday:

Breakfast: Eggwhite & Cheese on whole wheat deli flat: 160
                Banana: 90
                Coffee: 30                                280

Lunch: Salad w/
                     Toasted Almonds:40
                     Crasins:130
                      Balsamic V: 35
                      Bacon Bits: 25                  245

Snack: SpecailK bar: 90

Dinner: 4oz chicken: 150
            1 cup rice: 300
            A ton of string beans: 50            500

Snack: Apple/ PB: 300

Late night trip to the diner: small toss salad w/ raspberry V: 75


Total: 1490
Water: 85 oz
Workout: 1 & 20 @ gym.