I started a new blog, simply for a fresh start. To continue reading about my journey go to....
Thefinal23.blogspot.com
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
It's been forever ...
This is definetly the longest I've gone without writing on this blog. I think I mentioned last post that I started a full time teaching job. Well I started in late August and it took up until recently for me to adjust. I've never had a full time job before. I do love it although it leaves me very little time to workout, focus on healthy eating ect... I'm sure everyone who works full time can relate to this! Within the past 2 weeks or so I've been coming up with a system and being very conscious of what I'm eating. That was all put on the back burner when I started my new job.
In terms of my weight, still 177! Hey at least I know I'll be good at maintaining once I get down to 155. Like always my eating is fine. It's just finding time to work out. It's been a trend as you know if you have been following my blog. My 3 year mark is February 18 and I am determined to reach that goal by then. 140 pound loss in 3 years sounds perfect. Just trying to get myself fully back on track and manage what little time I have to get to the gym! I'm feeling very motivated which I haven't in a while. I will be posting again very soon and will start posting my weigh ins again. That was a huge help :)
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Oh life.
The average woman in 2012 is 5'4, weighs 164 pounds, and is a size 14.
I am 5'5, weigh 176 pounds, and am a size 10/12. So, I think it is safe to say that I have accomplished what I wanted over 2 and a half years ago. I am normal. I know I have talked about that more than once. However, if you were in my shoes, I think you would understand how hard it is to accept.
Much has happened in the almost month I haven't posted. My life was completely flipped upside down to say the least. I went from not eating, and dropping 8.8 pounds in a week to basically stuffing my face. Breakups are hard, and this being my first one- I just sort of went with the flow. I was surprised at my body's reaction to the stress and sadness. Again, not eating for 4 days is something I would have never thought I would do, my life revolves around food. When I was finally able to eat, I wanted to REALLY eat. It was not emotional eating, I recognized that very quickly. I was just, hungry, all day. I didn't go crazy, I just allowed myself to eat what I wanted and when I wanted it. I put on about 3 pounds. No big deal, that was going to happen anyway after my crazy weight loss. Right now I am in a good place. I am fine. I am actually better than fine, I am great. Yes, this past month or so has been a roller coaster of depression and stress, but at the same time, I have never been so happy. It is crazy that once you are taken out of a situation, the amount of things you realize and discover, and the people you meet.
Has my weight loss been my number one priority? No. I am okay with that though. I feel so comfortable and for the first time, 100% okay with my size and the way I look. That in itself is a tiny success in my never ending journey. I do not feel fat anymore, ever. That's nuts. I am beginning to learn my limits, and I am keeping myself in check all day, everyday. I know what I can eat and can't. It isn't even anything I need to think about, I just do it. I am also maintaing this 175-177ish weight which for me, is fine for now.
I will finish what I started. I will reach my 155 pound goal. It is just a matter of when. I am trying to figuring out my new life right now, I am re- assessing my priorities, and getting ready to start teaching full time in August, which is going to be a huge adjustment. I have said this from the beginning, life gets in the way. This was going to be my summer to reach my ultimate goal. Did I plan on doing so while going through a break up? No. I am not going to be hard on myself this time. For just this once, I need to focus on stuff going on in my head. When I am ready, it will happen. Don't lose faith in me- because surprisingly, I haven't lost it in myself.
Here is another before and after.
The before was last June, I weighed about 212lbs, and the after was yesterday. Crazy what a year can do...!
I am 5'5, weigh 176 pounds, and am a size 10/12. So, I think it is safe to say that I have accomplished what I wanted over 2 and a half years ago. I am normal. I know I have talked about that more than once. However, if you were in my shoes, I think you would understand how hard it is to accept.
Much has happened in the almost month I haven't posted. My life was completely flipped upside down to say the least. I went from not eating, and dropping 8.8 pounds in a week to basically stuffing my face. Breakups are hard, and this being my first one- I just sort of went with the flow. I was surprised at my body's reaction to the stress and sadness. Again, not eating for 4 days is something I would have never thought I would do, my life revolves around food. When I was finally able to eat, I wanted to REALLY eat. It was not emotional eating, I recognized that very quickly. I was just, hungry, all day. I didn't go crazy, I just allowed myself to eat what I wanted and when I wanted it. I put on about 3 pounds. No big deal, that was going to happen anyway after my crazy weight loss. Right now I am in a good place. I am fine. I am actually better than fine, I am great. Yes, this past month or so has been a roller coaster of depression and stress, but at the same time, I have never been so happy. It is crazy that once you are taken out of a situation, the amount of things you realize and discover, and the people you meet.
Has my weight loss been my number one priority? No. I am okay with that though. I feel so comfortable and for the first time, 100% okay with my size and the way I look. That in itself is a tiny success in my never ending journey. I do not feel fat anymore, ever. That's nuts. I am beginning to learn my limits, and I am keeping myself in check all day, everyday. I know what I can eat and can't. It isn't even anything I need to think about, I just do it. I am also maintaing this 175-177ish weight which for me, is fine for now.
I will finish what I started. I will reach my 155 pound goal. It is just a matter of when. I am trying to figuring out my new life right now, I am re- assessing my priorities, and getting ready to start teaching full time in August, which is going to be a huge adjustment. I have said this from the beginning, life gets in the way. This was going to be my summer to reach my ultimate goal. Did I plan on doing so while going through a break up? No. I am not going to be hard on myself this time. For just this once, I need to focus on stuff going on in my head. When I am ready, it will happen. Don't lose faith in me- because surprisingly, I haven't lost it in myself.
Here is another before and after.
The before was last June, I weighed about 212lbs, and the after was yesterday. Crazy what a year can do...!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
121
Since Wednesday I have lost 8.8 pounds. Yeah, this isn't some joke, I'm not dieing or anything. I haven't lost basically anything in 3 months. I think this happened for a couple of reasons-
I was VERY bloated when I came home from my vacation. Did I even mention on here yet that I went to Disney world last week? Well, I did. I had a great time but I ate absolutely horribly. Pizza, burgers, ice cream- all of those terrible foods. So, when I got back from vacation I weighed 182.2, yet again.
I wasn't going to talk about this on my blog- but I mean I have talked about more personal stuff right? You all know how much I weigh and when I get my period. So I guess this is on that level in some way.
My relationship of 5 and a half years ended on Thursday. After our vacation, it was kinda just, over. I am not going to get into details but I will say this. I felt this coming for months. Something changed and my fear of losing him was constantly on my mind. I was nervous and had anxiety about it for months. I had been holding onto what little we had left as tightly as I possibly could. I was drained and found myself very depressed this past month.. When it happened- I was devastated, obviously. I thought I was going to die. But after a couple of days of crying and stomach aches and not being able to eat- I finally was able too see what just happened to me as an adult and realize, I am going to be FINE and things happen for a reason.
Moving on- maybe this is why I dropped so much weight. Maybe not being able to eat for a couple days effected it, but I am back on track with my food and just keep losing. I am beginning to think my emotions of fear and depression really prevented me from losing weight. Maybe now that that is gone, my hard work is just paying off and my body was just ready to drop the weight I have been trying SO HARD to lose the past few months.
As of this morning I weigh 173.4 and I have lost a total of 121 pounds. Kind of crazy... This is what I have been wanting for months.
I was VERY bloated when I came home from my vacation. Did I even mention on here yet that I went to Disney world last week? Well, I did. I had a great time but I ate absolutely horribly. Pizza, burgers, ice cream- all of those terrible foods. So, when I got back from vacation I weighed 182.2, yet again.
I wasn't going to talk about this on my blog- but I mean I have talked about more personal stuff right? You all know how much I weigh and when I get my period. So I guess this is on that level in some way.
My relationship of 5 and a half years ended on Thursday. After our vacation, it was kinda just, over. I am not going to get into details but I will say this. I felt this coming for months. Something changed and my fear of losing him was constantly on my mind. I was nervous and had anxiety about it for months. I had been holding onto what little we had left as tightly as I possibly could. I was drained and found myself very depressed this past month.. When it happened- I was devastated, obviously. I thought I was going to die. But after a couple of days of crying and stomach aches and not being able to eat- I finally was able too see what just happened to me as an adult and realize, I am going to be FINE and things happen for a reason.
Moving on- maybe this is why I dropped so much weight. Maybe not being able to eat for a couple days effected it, but I am back on track with my food and just keep losing. I am beginning to think my emotions of fear and depression really prevented me from losing weight. Maybe now that that is gone, my hard work is just paying off and my body was just ready to drop the weight I have been trying SO HARD to lose the past few months.
As of this morning I weigh 173.4 and I have lost a total of 121 pounds. Kind of crazy... This is what I have been wanting for months.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Living "skinny"
Wow- I haven't posted in quite some time. I needed a break to be honest. Blogging about my journey has really helped me. However, the time I was having during my last few posts was rough. The break from my blog helped me just clear my head. It was difficult for me to put into words what I was going through. I needed to just back away for a bit.
Let me just start of by saying- this title may be a little misleading. I am not skinny- nor do I particularly want to be. I am still sitting pretty at 178 pounds, I am still down a total of 116 pounds. Haven't lost- haven't gained. I am still a size 10/12 M/L. Nothing has really changed about me physically. But mentally, that is were most of my growth has taken place over the past month and a half. That was my roadblock, the worst one thus far. The mind is a tricky thing. It can totally screw you over at times, and others, make you feel perfect.
This post is called living skinny because that is how I feel inside. I am finally just accepting myself for my new size. It took a LONG time for my head to catch up with my changing, slimming body. I have learned so many new things. I have tiny fingers, my ribs stick out just like my sisters do. My hip bones stick out so much I can't even sleep on my belly anymore. When I make a surprised smile face, my collar bone practically pops out of my skin. I find myself constantly feeling my bones. That may be weird, but I have never seen/felt them before. It is all new. I don't have to worry about fitting in an airplane seat, or rides. I don't feel different anymore when I go shopping. I feel like a "normal" person. No body stares at me anymore. No body talks about my weight negatively. When I go to the doctor all I hear is how healthy I am as opposed too "you need to make some serious changes." It is all around the best feeling ever.
I think one of my main struggles also during the past few months has been accepting my new flaws. I was used to the old ones- but the ones I have now are all new. Yeah so, I have extra skin on my arms and thighs. I may have acquired a lot of new stretch marks too, but hey, no one is perfect! To me those are my marks of success, if someone doesn't like them, they shouldn't look at me. I like them. I have just learned to be proud of the way I look, I worked so damn hard for it.
I have also come to terms with the fact that this will never be over. I am not going to hit a number one day and be like "Yup, it's over!" It is an on going recovery. Unlike a drug addict or alcoholic who can rid their environment of the things they are tempted by, I cannot do that. Food is everywhere. ALL THE TIME. I have to make choices 5 to 6 times a day whether I am going to give into something I know I shouldn't have. That is ridiculously hard. However, I take pride in the fact I can sit in front of a cake and not eat it. I am so proud of myself for coming so far.
Basically, things have changed. I don't think of myself as someone who lost 116 pounds. I think of myself as just an average sized person. Which I know is hard for everyone who loses a significant amount of weight. It took forever, but I am here. I still want to lose some weight, but not much maybe another 20 pounds. Still working hard everyday! I am going to finish what I started or I will be so mad at myself- I know I can do it.
Let me just start of by saying- this title may be a little misleading. I am not skinny- nor do I particularly want to be. I am still sitting pretty at 178 pounds, I am still down a total of 116 pounds. Haven't lost- haven't gained. I am still a size 10/12 M/L. Nothing has really changed about me physically. But mentally, that is were most of my growth has taken place over the past month and a half. That was my roadblock, the worst one thus far. The mind is a tricky thing. It can totally screw you over at times, and others, make you feel perfect.
This post is called living skinny because that is how I feel inside. I am finally just accepting myself for my new size. It took a LONG time for my head to catch up with my changing, slimming body. I have learned so many new things. I have tiny fingers, my ribs stick out just like my sisters do. My hip bones stick out so much I can't even sleep on my belly anymore. When I make a surprised smile face, my collar bone practically pops out of my skin. I find myself constantly feeling my bones. That may be weird, but I have never seen/felt them before. It is all new. I don't have to worry about fitting in an airplane seat, or rides. I don't feel different anymore when I go shopping. I feel like a "normal" person. No body stares at me anymore. No body talks about my weight negatively. When I go to the doctor all I hear is how healthy I am as opposed too "you need to make some serious changes." It is all around the best feeling ever.
I think one of my main struggles also during the past few months has been accepting my new flaws. I was used to the old ones- but the ones I have now are all new. Yeah so, I have extra skin on my arms and thighs. I may have acquired a lot of new stretch marks too, but hey, no one is perfect! To me those are my marks of success, if someone doesn't like them, they shouldn't look at me. I like them. I have just learned to be proud of the way I look, I worked so damn hard for it.
I have also come to terms with the fact that this will never be over. I am not going to hit a number one day and be like "Yup, it's over!" It is an on going recovery. Unlike a drug addict or alcoholic who can rid their environment of the things they are tempted by, I cannot do that. Food is everywhere. ALL THE TIME. I have to make choices 5 to 6 times a day whether I am going to give into something I know I shouldn't have. That is ridiculously hard. However, I take pride in the fact I can sit in front of a cake and not eat it. I am so proud of myself for coming so far.
Basically, things have changed. I don't think of myself as someone who lost 116 pounds. I think of myself as just an average sized person. Which I know is hard for everyone who loses a significant amount of weight. It took forever, but I am here. I still want to lose some weight, but not much maybe another 20 pounds. Still working hard everyday! I am going to finish what I started or I will be so mad at myself- I know I can do it.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Over!
I kept up on my "starting fresh" mentality all week. I did wonderful with my eating, some normal slip ups. I was able to work out twice. Unfortunately, no results this week on the scale. That is totally fine with me. IT HAPPENS. All I can do is move forward. I know why I didn't lose weight this week. It was finals week! My last week of college :) I am graduating with my early childhood degree and could not be more happy. Although there were no results this week, I accomplished something awesome in another area of my life. I cannot wait to start teaching preschool, it is something I adore to do, and makes me very happy. Now that school is over, I am focusing 100 percent on this. I feel like I haven't been able to since the semester began. I am SO excited to see what happens. I am expecting some awesome numbers in the weeks to come. I will just put it this way, June of last year, I lost 10 pounds! 10 pounds in that month after my semester ended. My expectations for myself are high, I know I can do it, I have done it before. I feel wonderful and anxious, I am in a great place :)
I found this and wanted to share:
I wanted to give up so many times over this extremely difficult semester, but I didn't- I just kept going. Although I didn't lose that much, only about 6 pounds it is something and I am proud of myself.
ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE.
I found this and wanted to share:
ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Starting fresh pays off.
I knew just simply starting over completely would help me get back on track. I didn't feel like I was struggling anymore, everything came easy to me this week. Finally, after 3 stressful, tiring weeks, I have lost 2.6 of the 3.6 pounds I had gained. I am back down to 178.4, less than a pound away from my smallest ever. I have lost 116 pounds, 116 pounds? Crazy. I sometimes do not understand how I did this. I am still surprised everyday by my determination and the support of not only my family and amazing friends, but complete strangers. I feel healthy again. Light and beautiful. 3 weeks of feeling bloated and uncomfortable, and now everyone is noticing. In the 2 hours I was at school on Monday, 3 people asked if I lost more weight. The answer was happily yes. I am confident again, which I have learned is the secret weapon in losing weight. If you are confident in yourself and abilities, you will lose weight. Things are COMPLETELY back on track. I am just so anxious to see next weeks results. I'm thinking sooner than I realized I will see my goal weight, 154 on the scale. That will be the proudest moment of my life. I cannot wait until these years of hard work finally pay off. I am sitting here in size 10 jeans, a large top that is too big, and a huge smile on my face. I cannot put into words how happy I am that my rut is over! LOVEEEEE ITTTT!!!
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