Support.

Being less than 10 pounds away from losing 100 pounds, I have been reflecting a lot on this year and a half long journey. So many things in my life have improved. One of those things has been my support system.

In the beginning of all this and even months before, I felt very alone. I pushed a lot of people away. I stopped talking and hanging out with all of my friends. I felt horrible about myself. I was embarrassed, felt disgusting and no longer had the energy to act like I was happy. I literally didn't leave the house unless it was necessary.

My turning point was a trip I went on in mid-February. I could barley fit in the airplane seat (which was mortifying), and I was forced to go out in public, among people. All I could remember from that trip was not wanted to do anything. I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. I knew at that moment this was not my life. I deserved so much better. I was missing out on so much, and I was only 19 year old.  I got back on February 15th and 3 days later I started this journey.

I will NEVER forgive myself for letting things get so out of hand. I will never forgive myself for pushing almost everyone I had in my life at the moment away. On the other hand, I couldn't be more proud of myself, for realizing I needed this change. For looking at myself very deeply and seeing what I was doing to my health. Some people are 50 by the time they realized what I did. Yes, some friends have gone, and I know I am to blame for that. But now have such an amazing group of people in my life. I have such a great team of support behind me, cheering my on at every moment, whether that moment is good or bad.

There are  few people that have been here for me through out this entire process. My mom, my sister, and Joe. Those 3 people are my rock. They never doubted me for a second. They listen to me, support me and are there to pick me up every time I fall. I will never be able to repay them for the gift they gave me. They are the reason I was able to handel all the struggles. They are the reason I lost this weight.

All I am saying is, if you feel the way I did a year and half ago, you are missing out on life. You are missing out on relationships, fun and feeling great about yourself. No body in this world deserves to feel the self hate, and loneliness I felt. However, you and ONLY you can make that realization.

I can honestly say I have never been this happy in my entire life. When you finally love yourself, you can start loving others with all your heart. That opens many doors, and makes every day worth it.