When I am skinny.

When I am skinny I won't get made fun of.
When I am skinny I won't be hated.
When I am skinny I won't be disgusting.
When I am skinny I can start having fun.
When I am skinny I will find a boyfriend
When I am skinny I will have a lot of friends.
When I am skinny I will be popular.
When I am skinny I can start wearing cute clothes.
When I am skinny I won't stand out from my sisters.
When I am skinny I won't think everytime someone laughs in public or at school, it's at me.
When I am skinny I will be a better person.
When I am skinny I won't be sad anymore.
When I am skinny I will be able to look at myself and not want to be someone else.
When I am skinny I won't think everyone thinks I am gross.
When I am skinny I will be beautiful.
When I am skinny I can go out and feel comfortable.
When I am skinny I won't want to die.
When I am skinny I will be able to live my life,
I am SICK of waiting.


As I was looking through my old journals. I found that. It is from June 10, 2005. I was 14 years old.
I  have not looked at it since I wrote it. I remember feeling all those things, but actually seeing it on paper made me break down in tears. Not only because of how horrible this is, and how much pressure I put on myself to lose weight, but the fact there are thousand of young girls and boys out there that feel that same exact way. I cannot handel that fact that other people feel this way, it breaks my heart.
If I could go back 6 years and tell myself something it would be that I was going to be fine, and the weight did not define me. Nobody should EVER have to feel this way. That is why people in general should be more excepting of others, no matter what. You do not want to be the reason someone feels this horrible about themselves.
I wish I never felt this way, however, it's just more motivation. Not because what I wrote when I was 14 was true at all, just because now I know I am losing weight for ME. I am losing weight to be healthy and no other reason. I was at the point when I started this (and still am) that I am happy with myself, and my life. This journey is mine.