Messing up.

I have officailly decided to just put this all on hold till the day after xmas. I am just getting way to frusterated and stressed. It's not worth ruining my holiday season. I think if I just stop stressing out about it, I won't "fuck up" so bad anyway. Mind you, my idea of "fucking up" is eating something healthy, that is out of the norm, and not recording. Also, I had 2 chocolate chip cookies 3 days in a row now. I haven't gained weight at all I just do not feel right. Im kind of a perfectionist, if you haven't already got that vibe, and I need things to be just right, and if they aren't, I put pressure on myself. Anywho, tomrrow I am going to the city, so with all the walking I will be doing Im not worried at all about gaining. Christmas day, my mom is making over-all healthy stuff, so Im not worrying. I'm just so so so excited for the day after xmas when I can just get fully back on track! I want this weight off so bad, and this month has honestly been a stuggle. I only lost 4 pounds this entire month. My mom keeps telling me I am nuts because most people gain like 10 pounds over the holidays, but Im not happy with my results. I am going to really push myself hard the end of December/begining of January before my semester starts on the 18th.

Since everything got messed up cause of this month, I knocked down my 1 year goal to 65 pound loss instead of 70. I definatly do not want to put unrealistic expectations on myself ontop of Decembers disappointment.

Anyway, I have been watching a lot of the biggest loser. What an amazing show! I never really followed it before but it is so inspirational.  I know the season ended, but I have in on demand. The new season starts on the 3 or 4 and Im super excited to follow the whole season. It's truley amazing how much those people lose in like 7 month. The person that won lost 120ish pounds I believe, that is incredible!!! Seeing how happy they were and their families was seriously beautiful. I cannot wait to feel that way when I reach my goal.

Here is my sad, sad journal entry from today.

Breakfast: Whole wheat bagel w/
                 reduced fat cream cheese:  340
                 Coffee: 30                            
                                                                   TOTAL: 370

Lunch: Big salad w/ grilled chicken
                               Carrots
                               Cucumbers
                               Crutons
                               Blue cheese crumbles
                               Balsamic = 360

Apple: 80                                             
                                                                TOTAL: 440


Snack: 2 homemade cookies: 200
           Diet swiss miss hot coco w/
           1 tbsp chocolate syrup: 80
                                                              TOTAL: 280

Dinner: Steamed veggies w/ beef 250
            1 cup white rice  200                      TOTAL: 450

TOTAL: 1540
Water: 70 oz.

Today sucked..